extrovert: one whose personality is characterized by extroversion; broadly : a gregarious and unreserved person / extroversion: : the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self.
introvert: : to turn inward or in upon itself: as a: to concentrate or direct upon oneself b: to produce psychological introversion in / the act of introverting : the state of being introverted / the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life
...I know people who are always an extrovert. I know people who are always an introvert...but what happens when they go home? When the doors shut and the lights fade...what are their personalities then? It has been explained to me many times that one holds either of these two characteristics-they are either an introvert or an extrovert-it stands firm that they are still one or the other. I can buy this. However, I wonder if each person can carry both qualities and when needed, influence each other while being used at the same time...
There are times that I have so much to say but cannot find the words or phrasing of thoughts...
To focus on specific instances outside of yourself-is that being extroverted? In terms of definition, why does it not say this? It is possible to be silent with your voice but an extrovert with your actions outside of your own personality...yes?
There are times when this happens, that I wish for nothing else in the world but to just sit-to sit silently-and alone-to collect my thoughts...my thoughts that I want so badly to transfer into actions...
Is it possible to sit quietly, as is described as most introverts, but gather great extroverted energy from your soon to be extroverted actions? I know that in terms of personality it is said that extroverts thrive with others to gain their personality and energy and vise versa with introverts...but can you be an introvert and thrive on others extroverted actions? Also, what about the in between? Is there a set rule or definition for those who thrive with specific instances...?
There are times when this happens that I wonder...why is it so easy to become 'a gregarious and unreserved person' yet, it is more comfortable and life is much more clear when I turn inward upon myself to reflect...? When the lights stop. When the music slows. When silence overcomes my ears and the sweet hum of a summer fan helps to relax the mind...when life is just-more simpler...One cannot really move forward until it is realized as to where they are currently sitting...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
resurfacing.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
My Dear Old Friend.
There is this window, with this boxed seat-this place, for the moment, is my place. Outside of this boxed window seat-there is this lawn. Shards of green ripple together in waves from the wind as it tossles their little bodies to and fro...This sidewalk that crosses between my seat and another-this place, is where he sits. Crouched where the grass separates the cement, script in hand, mouth murmuring back and forth reciting lines slowly and embedding them into his mind. What part will he play? Father? Brother? Lover? Friend? Foe? A stranger, perhaps?
It is amazing how, though, there is a window between him and I, how close we are. I mean this in the physical sense-he is there, I am here-a simple pane of glasses is all that separates us. Though this is true, we are still so far apart. Can you imagine how humans would function if there was no connection? ... we wouldn't. The disconnect between interactions would be so large that life would cease to function. Connections, much like creativity, can be found in the oddest of places; books, plays, music, interests, friends, travels...but what about more? What about a 'deeper' connection? Something that cannot essentially be described.
It was once described to me by a very wise professor, his own opinon for the word 'deep'. At first I did not agree with him...but over time, I have come to the understanding that it is true. According to him, the word deep, is often used to describe something of which someone does not understand-they have no other words to describe it. 'That is so deep...' My professor hated that through his life he has found many who use this word when there are, what sometimes seem to be, a barrel of never ending words to help us understand and describe the things that we do not...I too have become accustom to disliking the way this word is used. However, sometimes a connection with someone is so 'deep'-you cannot fully understand it. Whether it be too complex or just so blurry and ambiguous that it is sometimes something that you cannot put your finger on.
Standing from the sidewalk, head lowered, it is obvious of his doubt that boils so closely underneath of his frustration. The lines are not sticking. His mouth is moving and desperately this boy is trying to retain-to understand-so that he may act it for someone...but it will not. He does not understand that these things cannot be rushed, the words will not stay because they are not natural for him-there is no connection that he has made. Time. Intent. Care. Patience...Kneeling under the branches with shade disguising his disappointing emotions, he sets the script down, closes his eyes, and just lets the sun warm his back. In this moment, this realization overcomes his anger that though this is important, it is a process.
'...call off the fighting now, withdrawal the angered fangs. it's wasted boughts of circumstance leave no room for change. we've cursed our names a thousand times, we've cursed our own in vain...so shake the dust off of our skin, shed a tear or two, its time to break the way we've been so we can move on to-a brand new day...'--brand new day, Bukka Allen
It is amazing how, though, there is a window between him and I, how close we are. I mean this in the physical sense-he is there, I am here-a simple pane of glasses is all that separates us. Though this is true, we are still so far apart. Can you imagine how humans would function if there was no connection? ... we wouldn't. The disconnect between interactions would be so large that life would cease to function. Connections, much like creativity, can be found in the oddest of places; books, plays, music, interests, friends, travels...but what about more? What about a 'deeper' connection? Something that cannot essentially be described.
It was once described to me by a very wise professor, his own opinon for the word 'deep'. At first I did not agree with him...but over time, I have come to the understanding that it is true. According to him, the word deep, is often used to describe something of which someone does not understand-they have no other words to describe it. 'That is so deep...' My professor hated that through his life he has found many who use this word when there are, what sometimes seem to be, a barrel of never ending words to help us understand and describe the things that we do not...I too have become accustom to disliking the way this word is used. However, sometimes a connection with someone is so 'deep'-you cannot fully understand it. Whether it be too complex or just so blurry and ambiguous that it is sometimes something that you cannot put your finger on.
Standing from the sidewalk, head lowered, it is obvious of his doubt that boils so closely underneath of his frustration. The lines are not sticking. His mouth is moving and desperately this boy is trying to retain-to understand-so that he may act it for someone...but it will not. He does not understand that these things cannot be rushed, the words will not stay because they are not natural for him-there is no connection that he has made. Time. Intent. Care. Patience...Kneeling under the branches with shade disguising his disappointing emotions, he sets the script down, closes his eyes, and just lets the sun warm his back. In this moment, this realization overcomes his anger that though this is important, it is a process.
'...call off the fighting now, withdrawal the angered fangs. it's wasted boughts of circumstance leave no room for change. we've cursed our names a thousand times, we've cursed our own in vain...so shake the dust off of our skin, shed a tear or two, its time to break the way we've been so we can move on to-a brand new day...'--brand new day, Bukka Allen
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
..Screen Doors..
Home. What cannot be taken with us, what can be left behind? That which cannot physically be embedded into our process of life-That which does not fruitfully impact our ability to largely move forward with what we have taken with us from before...
The little things stay. The important things stay. The beautiful things stay...the truth stays. Growth...it does not stay in a way that we sometimes wish it would, for growth is an everlastingly evolving process that sometimes strikes us to our innermost core. Though, sometimes...sometimes, we look back after the blooming has occurred and realize how beautiful it all was. How simply, truthfully, almost overwhelming beautiful it was.
Growth, in any way, should not be premature. It is all a process for a reason. Things we can and cannot keep-Why and how do we become so attached to 'place'? What does it matter the floor plan, the shadows creeping around corners, or the way the grass lines the drive? "The sound of a blue jays cry will be heard just the same from the lawn of another-the wind will simply rustle the leaves in different trees..." It is the people. It is absolutely the people. Though nostalgia sets in when thoughts of 'places'-sounds-smells-'deja vu'-in my life glide round and round like a photograph negative of a carousel through my mind, it is quite clear that non of these moments would have occurred without...the people.
I feel that I am often caught standing, starring-waiting-at life through an old whitewashed screen porch door-starring out into an open windy field-as bright as bright can get before you realize how beautiful and fresh it feels. On one side, so...safe-yet through the crisscrossing of the wire...there is the same beauty, wonderment, simplicity...but, new room to grow. It's as if I want the soft spring breeze to breathe them both in, mix them together and siefen the parts that are blurry, out under the rug... It's almost as if I have found myself wanting to skip the beautiful cycles that occur through life so that I can have this...this...product. The simplicity of a product. "Creativity is often misunderstood because more weight is given to the product than the process"... If both sides have no negatives...why is it so hard to push forward? Why is it so easy to want to jump start to the finish? In no way should anything ever be so abrupt...The little things stay. The important things stay. The beautiful things stay.
...I feel that even though that bright open field looks so blissful-it's alright to just...stand, for a while-stand with the crackly white screen door before you, the breeze stagnantly brushing the hair out of your face through the cracks and that carousel playing motion pictures round and round in your mind...all the while...just, standing. I feel it's ok to take this in. 'We cannot move forward until we know where we are".
Home. What cannot be taken with us, what can be left behind? The things we can and cannot keep.
Listen to: Cycles By: Screen Door Music
The little things stay. The important things stay. The beautiful things stay...the truth stays. Growth...it does not stay in a way that we sometimes wish it would, for growth is an everlastingly evolving process that sometimes strikes us to our innermost core. Though, sometimes...sometimes, we look back after the blooming has occurred and realize how beautiful it all was. How simply, truthfully, almost overwhelming beautiful it was.
Growth, in any way, should not be premature. It is all a process for a reason. Things we can and cannot keep-Why and how do we become so attached to 'place'? What does it matter the floor plan, the shadows creeping around corners, or the way the grass lines the drive? "The sound of a blue jays cry will be heard just the same from the lawn of another-the wind will simply rustle the leaves in different trees..." It is the people. It is absolutely the people. Though nostalgia sets in when thoughts of 'places'-sounds-smells-'deja vu'-in my life glide round and round like a photograph negative of a carousel through my mind, it is quite clear that non of these moments would have occurred without...the people.
I feel that I am often caught standing, starring-waiting-at life through an old whitewashed screen porch door-starring out into an open windy field-as bright as bright can get before you realize how beautiful and fresh it feels. On one side, so...safe-yet through the crisscrossing of the wire...there is the same beauty, wonderment, simplicity...but, new room to grow. It's as if I want the soft spring breeze to breathe them both in, mix them together and siefen the parts that are blurry, out under the rug... It's almost as if I have found myself wanting to skip the beautiful cycles that occur through life so that I can have this...this...product. The simplicity of a product. "Creativity is often misunderstood because more weight is given to the product than the process"... If both sides have no negatives...why is it so hard to push forward? Why is it so easy to want to jump start to the finish? In no way should anything ever be so abrupt...The little things stay. The important things stay. The beautiful things stay.
...I feel that even though that bright open field looks so blissful-it's alright to just...stand, for a while-stand with the crackly white screen door before you, the breeze stagnantly brushing the hair out of your face through the cracks and that carousel playing motion pictures round and round in your mind...all the while...just, standing. I feel it's ok to take this in. 'We cannot move forward until we know where we are".
Home. What cannot be taken with us, what can be left behind? The things we can and cannot keep.
Listen to: Cycles By: Screen Door Music
Sunday, April 26, 2009
page five
"I really can't tell what's beautiful anymore. I passed two young fellows on the street the other day. I know who they are, they work at the garage. They're not churchgoing, either one of them, just decent rascally young fellows who have to be joking all the time, and there they were, propped against the garage wall in the sunshine, lighting up their cigarettes. They're always so black with grease and so strong with gasoline I don't know why they don't catch fire themselves. They were passing remarks back and forth the way they do and laughing that wicked way they have. And it seemed beautiful to me. It is an amazing thing to watch people laugh, the way it sort of takes them over. Sometimes they really do struggle with it. I see that in church often enough. So I wonder what it is and where it comes from, and I wonder what it expends out of your system, so that you have to do it till you're done, like crying in a way, I suppose, except that laughter is much more easily spent--When they saw me coming, of course, the joking stopped, but I could see they were still laughing to themselves, thinking what the old preacher almost heard them say--I felt like telling them, I appreciate a joke as much as anybody. There have been many occasions in my life when I have wanted to say that. But it's not a thing people are willing to accept. They want you to be a little bit apart. I felt like saying, I'm a dying man, and I won't have so many more occasions to laugh, in this world at least--That's the strangest thing about this life, about being in the ministry. People change the subject when they see you coming. And then sometimes those very same people come into your study and tell you the most remarkable things. There's a lot under the surface of life, everyone knows that. A lot of malice and dread and guilt, and so much loneliness, where you wouldn't really expect to find it, either. " --Gilead, A Novel.
Friday, April 24, 2009
it's a home remedy.
my dad and i were able to sing together today. 'it's a home remedy'. my mom and i held hands while we watched my brother entertain a room full of laughing and loving community members that we've all grown to think of as family. the fluffy constant in my life that some call 'just a pet', has been tip-toeing two steps behind mine since they walked through the front door. the new addition to our family, is still learning and adjusting-but the spunky four legged 'lily' comes with more love than i sometimes wonder if i can even handle. it's all instinctively just there. it's natural. it's wonderful.
spring is here.
my words are not. i'm ok with that. the loss of words does not necessarily mean a loss of thought.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Long week...
Top Five:
1-The e-mail address linked to the school I attend failed to forward all e-mails to my Gmail account...in February. It is April-just figured it out. Awesome.
2-buzzball.
3-Some Sweet birds.
4-Today's Front Page 'here's your sign': Facebook is the cause of lower grades.
...really?! go figure.
5-This man-genius. I watched a lecture of his on tv this week, which was my favorite highlight.
1-The e-mail address linked to the school I attend failed to forward all e-mails to my Gmail account...in February. It is April-just figured it out. Awesome.
2-buzzball.
3-Some Sweet birds.
4-Today's Front Page 'here's your sign': Facebook is the cause of lower grades.
...really?! go figure.
5-This man-genius. I watched a lecture of his on tv this week, which was my favorite highlight.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Nick's Efforts.
Nichols Copernicus put forth the idea that: the earth is not at the center of the earth. The sun does not revolve around the earth, the earth revolves around the sun. Crazy right!?
To make such a bold statement during this Jacobean era was more than absurd, it was insane. It completely threw people off of their steady ball and rocked with their idea that they were the center. At this time, most thought that 'God put us here, naturally, we are supposed to be the center of the universe'. To argue anything different was-unfathomable. (This was also an era where 'deep' mystery of what it means to be human and questions such as 'why does the cosmo exist?' were not raised as often as they once were. Characterizations became extremely perverse, perverted, and just odd).
Putting that aside, today, people don’t go to bed just completely sick with thought that we are not important because the sun does not revolve around us...do we?
...I feel that a lot of us might go to bed with frustrations and thoughts that are often as silly as this.
There's no real point to this except for the fact that Nichols was bold with his idea because he believed in it wholeheartedly-and it shook millions. The thought can't stop ping-ponging around my brain of the fact that if we all stuck by our beliefs wholeheartedly because we were passionate about it, what change could we effect upon the whole world? Could we change accusations that 'the sun does not revolve around the earth-but the earth revolves around the sun'? Beyond that, and what I feel is sometimes even greater, what change can we have with one another? What thoughts, ideas, and even words do we plant in each others mind?
Sometimes it blows my mind that when watching others, you can tell that their actions and the words they say-they have no idea the effect they might have. I mean this in both the negative and the positive...I wish it were more in the positive sense...
The power an individual has for change is abundant-sometimes it just needs a little push for jumping off with what seems like a bold and sometimes crazy statement. I mean, it could be crazy and you could be wrong-The thing is-what if you're right? What if you really do have the power to change? The power to affect others?
Nick did.
.. .Just a thought. ..
To make such a bold statement during this Jacobean era was more than absurd, it was insane. It completely threw people off of their steady ball and rocked with their idea that they were the center. At this time, most thought that 'God put us here, naturally, we are supposed to be the center of the universe'. To argue anything different was-unfathomable. (This was also an era where 'deep' mystery of what it means to be human and questions such as 'why does the cosmo exist?' were not raised as often as they once were. Characterizations became extremely perverse, perverted, and just odd).
Putting that aside, today, people don’t go to bed just completely sick with thought that we are not important because the sun does not revolve around us...do we?
...I feel that a lot of us might go to bed with frustrations and thoughts that are often as silly as this.
There's no real point to this except for the fact that Nichols was bold with his idea because he believed in it wholeheartedly-and it shook millions. The thought can't stop ping-ponging around my brain of the fact that if we all stuck by our beliefs wholeheartedly because we were passionate about it, what change could we effect upon the whole world? Could we change accusations that 'the sun does not revolve around the earth-but the earth revolves around the sun'? Beyond that, and what I feel is sometimes even greater, what change can we have with one another? What thoughts, ideas, and even words do we plant in each others mind?
Sometimes it blows my mind that when watching others, you can tell that their actions and the words they say-they have no idea the effect they might have. I mean this in both the negative and the positive...I wish it were more in the positive sense...
The power an individual has for change is abundant-sometimes it just needs a little push for jumping off with what seems like a bold and sometimes crazy statement. I mean, it could be crazy and you could be wrong-The thing is-what if you're right? What if you really do have the power to change? The power to affect others?
Nick did.
.. .Just a thought. ..
..dot. tuesday..
I've got nothing.
...Actually, I have lots-but they are just fragments and incomplete thoughts at this moment. Maybe they will develop into something of value that I feel is worthy to share.
I saw a guy on campus today with a real live brown snake wrapped around his forearm-that's kind of cool, I guess. Is this even legal to carry such animals on public academic grounds-what if someone is allergic to these scaly slithery bellied creatures? How awful.
...Actually, I have lots-but they are just fragments and incomplete thoughts at this moment. Maybe they will develop into something of value that I feel is worthy to share.
I saw a guy on campus today with a real live brown snake wrapped around his forearm-that's kind of cool, I guess. Is this even legal to carry such animals on public academic grounds-what if someone is allergic to these scaly slithery bellied creatures? How awful.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
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