Purpose

Quite frankly, my blog sucks.
I realize that no one reads it and I'm sadly ok with that.


Others:

Sad Little Man.
A few years back Chicago's greatest improv troupe of all time came to perform for the conservative town of Manhattan. They did an amazing job of kindly loving us for our flaws along with everything else-after all, we're all human. Through the many hilarious bits and gags, I distinctly remember one song they sang for us. It's title: "No one reads your blog". This story through song took us into the every detail of this mans life and the importance he thought was behind that. More so, the inevitable fact that, indeed, no one cared. No one read his blog about: sadness.


Speech and Debate.
Within this play there is a rousing young girl named Diwata. As most prepubesent teenagers are, Diwata enjoys more than anything to display her life via WebBlog. Though, this causes a huge disturbance within her life (amongst other issues) this blog is her outlet, her way of expression. No matter who watches, she is more than willing to tell the world what she thinks: angry issues.

Fashion.
Then there are the blogs about what everyone in Europe is wearing. The latest fashions, the rags to riches of glamorous lines, ways to look expensively like a hobo but caring all the while. Simple tips and tricks to look stylin' with the best of em. Secretly, I love to hate them because no matter how simple the looks are...money is money and lack there of I have. Yet, I read them daily: Fashion.

























Music. ... " "...

















Sex and the City.
Let's face it. Women in the world today have this idealogic perseption of New York City living because of the plots played out in this series. In some capacities, not real. In others, absolutely. The dreamy talk of romance for shoes and men is all the rage scattered across the opinion column of Carrie Bradshaw: Love.














Everyone who views any of these opinions/views has some interest to take note of what the authors have to say. As for my blog...I don't really even have a strong opinion about half of the things I write about. Truthfully, somedays I write just to write. Maybe it's because I've lost my pen and pad of paper for the day...who knows. It's much more difficult for me to write about my life or topics from life rather than writing monologues, scenes or pieces of prose. Completely different ball game. It's different, so I'm trying. I've been trying, and have been failing. SO, upping the ante...blogs are dying, let's make them interesting again.

Long story short. I should write with more purpose. I should write with more gumption. I should write what I want. I should write because I care. I should write, because anyone could see it...but also because no one reads my blog.

Let's Roll.

I was following the...
I was following the...
I was following the...the something.
I don't know what.


Looking around my room, I'm slowly realizing how much CRAP I have. Really, 97.3% of the things I own are crap. All of it: My journals, the furniture we've redone, the pictures, dare I even say the antique books I that adore more than my own dog. Though, the remaining 2.7% of things are of extreme importance. I assure you: Clean underwear, new shoes, my collection of buttons from the past five years...if lost, these would pull at my heartstrings forever.

Life is difficult to get through. It's a process and it's discipline of acknowlegment.




'Freeing the Natual Voice' by Kristin Linklater discusses, through various exercises, how to help acknowledge and then encourage the body to free the natural voice that is sometimes stiffled by life and its interworkings. Within us all, there is human expression. Within us all, there is blocked human expression. This is brought about by action/reaction. Then, the physical voice is stimulated. With the voice, there is articulation, vibration and resonance...What we feel.

What I've discovered is that the blocks are often completely invisible. For me, I never realized how many emotional blocks from my 'natural voice' there were until taking a thorough scan of my body for weeks trying to find out what I feel, what works, what doesn't-what's important. I don't know what caused them, but these are there. Now knowing this, now knowing that I can't physically feel vibrations in parts of my body because of this tension, I feel as though there is a completely different person that I've never discovered. All of a sudden, my buttons don't matter. My books don't matter. My shoes are shabby and absolutely none of these things can help aid me in filling that void.

Luckily, I am aware of this, and luckily I purchased the book to help instruct me how to fix them. What an actor am I...buying books.

What if I hadn't of taken the time to figure out within me what is important? What works, what doesn't? I'm moving in a few months...to where, I don't know yet. Somewhere exciting I hope. Somewhere that I can fully expereince everything for all it's worth-all it's vibrations and places of resonance that it has to offer (that was really corny, just go with it). Really though, I've been in this town for five years and I still feel that there is so much to experience...but it's time to move on. It's time to leave this crap I sometimes think is important behind. Clean underwear and all.

So here's to the natural parts of life. To the real, the honest, the scared, the good, and the blocked. Taking it for what it is...I'm peacing outta this town.

gentlemen of india

Bare Foot and Happy

Applied for graduation.
Halfway planned a graduation party.
Sending out applications, resumes and cover letters within the next week or so.

Often, as humans, we feel nostalgic. Sometimes it's an ok thing to hold onto memories...other times, it's detrimental to who we are as a person or who we are trying to allow ourselves to be. "Go get lost, where no one can be found...Say your goodbyes but-darlin-if you please, don't go without me..."

For me...I'm sitting in the same place and I'm completely fine with it. Mentally and in terms of experience I've grown more than I ever thought I would over the past five years, but my dreams are still there, who I am as a person is still there...and my heart is still moving steadfast forward and outward. My memories and nostalgic feelings are still with me as well...but with excitement. Most of the things that I have with me that won't go away are happenstances within the last five years that were brought about by excitement and fruitful curiosity that fueled who I was as a person. And you know what...that excitement is still with me...and it's not going anywhere. "Miles and miles in my bare feet, Ain't going back to Barton Hollow..."

I'm gonna pack up my new The Civil Wars cd and peace outta town soon...bare foot and all...I can't wait.