...It's all I can do to drag myself away from this window in a few minutes. You see, this simply painted black french window is the only thing that keeps me away from this beautiful summer storm. Horrizontally falling in streams that could quite possibly kill an ant, this rain is so gorgeous. I have always thought so. Oh the puddles this will make.
Lord I thank you for this day, this coffee, for the seasons, for community, and for ants. Lord I thank you for cute little babies and their bald little heads. I thank you for our fears of thunder and the unknown. But Lord, I pray that today, during this loud pounding thunder and this ragging storm, that you protect and hold close comfort for those in need.
(as a student of mine would say)
AY (like a pirate) men!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Let's Clap
Margot and the Nuclear So & So's - As Tall as cliffs - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.
'I tell tales, tall as cliffs...'
I write. I enjoy it. Nothing that I can say I am particularly proud of, but everything is a process. Writing makes sense to me.
'...but i needn't be afraid of those devils on the wall...'
Though, I haven't written anything in quite some time...there are still attempts here and there.
Everything that I was proud of is now lost forever on a dead hard drive.
My blog...it's stale. Maybe I need something different to look at-real parchment perhaps. However, who uses real paper anymore? That's crazy to even think about. Maybe I need something real to write about; something worthy of telling or re-telling. Maybe I need to be inspired-Travel-What if I traveled? What if I traveled around the world and gathered as many tall tales as I could to combine into a reality television series-that would be truth. Ratings would go through the roof, I would be a celebrity and my biggest problems would be no more! Maybe I could go for twelve months without saying a word and then write about my experiences that I witnessed or experienced-like a monk. A code of silence. What if I went to France and sang with a terrific band while playing one of many percussion instruments...oh how grand that would be.
'You came well equipped...'
Maybe I'm fine. Maybe I can't write because my head is not clear. You know, that mugginess of summer.
Though it is summer and that heaviness is making itself disgustingly known throughout the air, there is still a hint of something fresh from spring that hangs about. Taunting me with the hope of a crisp and cool day. A day where everything is wonderful. A day where questions aren't even questions, but a slew of answers, where the pieces fit that you never knew were even out of place. One of those afternoons where, as silly and cliche as it is, you feel as though your life revolves around a song of 'ohhs' combined with voices in harmony. Maybe I have plenty to write about, but because there is so much hanging around in the air there is no way to choose just the ripest red apple to talk about. Maybe I need help to pick it...Oh how grand that would be.
'...but I'll tell you the truth, darling I'm tired, I should be leaving...'
Clapping. I like to clap. It's so...definite. It's loud and precise-and simple. Even in a crowd of applause, each-if you listen closely-has it's own loud and distinct sound. Which, then all together, makes an even louder sound generated by all of the, what seemed to be little and not important, claps of noise. It then, amongst it's crazy flutters of claps, almost makes it's own beat. The individuals have now formed a group. A group sometimes without a very steady beat, but because the claps are so distinct, I feel that in a crowd of claps that people next to each other acknowledge their own claps and those around them...Movement. Everything then begins to move in a lovely swaying motion. A sea of claps. Individual but in an odd way, a beautiful group. Perhaps if I clap loud enough everything will begin to fall into place. Each clap will bring another beautiful apple out of the stale air so that it can be examined and shared...Claps are unifying...and tiring. After a long period of clapping, the coolness and that feeling of importance amongst the group seems to fade away.
There are seasons. There are seasons for a reason and the process of transition happens because it is necessary. I strongly dislike summer-but it has to happen...because if summer did not happen, then there would be no fall. There would be no leaves to crunch, no air to breath deep, no twigs to swirl between two fingers and there would be no canvas of beauty. My days of 'ohhs' sung by a chorus would cease to exist and I would be a lump on a log waiting for mold to inhabit my body.
'And take to the streets...'
You know what though? What's so great about movement, especially movement or crazed clapping that sometimes doesn't make sense, is that it stops. Though the movement is great it is only a step-Through the waves and ripples- through the sea of claps and what seems to be continuous-it all pauses for a moment. What's cool about this pause is that it usually seems to be in a moment where you know that it is significant. A place where you know you shouldn't forget. A pause where the chorus of 'ohhs' is being sung while the claps are keeping time and in this moment you look up to find that the pieces are starting to fit together just nicely. The Trick: It's easier to clap in movement together.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
a long time comin...
my computer is on it's death bed.
straight up-no funky business.
(the never-ending 'opening/start up page' to my computer. the question mark won't stop blinking. i feel as though the question mark will blink faster and faster until it finally just blows up...at least it's contemplating for a really long time before decide whether to kick the bucket or not).
it's done.
probably forever.
straight up-no funky business.
(the never-ending 'opening/start up page' to my computer. the question mark won't stop blinking. i feel as though the question mark will blink faster and faster until it finally just blows up...at least it's contemplating for a really long time before decide whether to kick the bucket or not).
it's done.
probably forever.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
letter of joy. paul.
pets.
we have pets.
fish.
one looks like garfield with flippers and the other, a mini shark with bubble eyes that's much rounder and nicer.
we bought them.
on a whim.
boredom? maybe. did we really want them? maybe.
either way, i don't regret it. i love these fish and their three seconds of memory.
in class today my mind began to wander...ironically enough, while looking out of a smudged window in a beautiful lecture hall with wooden floors inside of a two story ancient building that overlooked a very quaint part of campus...this morning i didn't feel well and maybe that had something to do with my mind going astray, but mainly, i am sick of learning about volcanoes...so, my mind began to wander. fish. i thought about fish. i thought about the fish we bought on the coffee table next to the balcony where a beer bong from our neighbors also had been hung. i thought about why it was there on a monday night/tuesday morning and how they got it onto our balcony. i thought about what they could have been doing on a monday night instead. i wondered if they were that crazy on a monday-what do they do on the weekends? i wondered what i could have done with my weekend...it was so lame that i couldn't even remember what exactly i did at first-i wondered how i should be listening about volcanoes even though i didn't want to. i thought about the countless movies i had rented-dante's peak being one. i thought about the guy in front of me who was on myspace the entire time...i wondered who used their myspace anymore-what is hip? what is cool? what is trendy? websites? bikes? shoes? traveling? throw pillows? i tried to think about what really matters in life. i thought about my day and what my schedule was like. i thought about my class i had to teach later in the evening and how, unless my headache magically went away, i absolutely was not looking forward to it. i didn't think about much else because my thinking took up all of class and soon i found myself out the door continuing on with my day.
during the class, where my headache was still clinging onto my forehead for dear life, i realized how much i still wanted to be somewhere else-somewhere that was not presently before me. chaos was all around me and for the first time when teaching, ever, i felt like i didn't want to do this-i didn't want to be there, i didn't want to teach, i didn't want to lead, i didn't want to share, lend a hand, smile, influence, anything-i didn't want to do anything...
...then,joy.
when i was just about to loose it for the first time ever, this little bundle of joy with blonde curly hair walked up to me out of the back row, grabbed my knees, looked up with a smile and said 'miss erica, i'm glad you're my teacher'.
tears. for the first time ever in a class, i thought i was going to loose my temper and instead, for the first time ever in a class, i cried for joy. a hopeful joy. a joy from that of a teacher-a teacher with a tender heart. a teacher with a forgiving heart. a teacher that held my legs firmly on the ground when the room was spinning and the world seemed upside down-a teacher in the form of a five year old...
...i've been thinking a lot about joy lately-a lot.
what really is joy?
comparing our humanly joy with that of Christ's joy is really interesting. the concept of letting joy happen rather than seeking things to find joy is interesting. watching the rise and fall of our humanly joy is interesting-instances of joy itself is something that is extremely interesting. there is much more on my mind...but for now, just this...
'So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.'
—Philippians 2:1-2
we have pets.
fish.
one looks like garfield with flippers and the other, a mini shark with bubble eyes that's much rounder and nicer.
we bought them.
on a whim.
boredom? maybe. did we really want them? maybe.
either way, i don't regret it. i love these fish and their three seconds of memory.
in class today my mind began to wander...ironically enough, while looking out of a smudged window in a beautiful lecture hall with wooden floors inside of a two story ancient building that overlooked a very quaint part of campus...this morning i didn't feel well and maybe that had something to do with my mind going astray, but mainly, i am sick of learning about volcanoes...so, my mind began to wander. fish. i thought about fish. i thought about the fish we bought on the coffee table next to the balcony where a beer bong from our neighbors also had been hung. i thought about why it was there on a monday night/tuesday morning and how they got it onto our balcony. i thought about what they could have been doing on a monday night instead. i wondered if they were that crazy on a monday-what do they do on the weekends? i wondered what i could have done with my weekend...it was so lame that i couldn't even remember what exactly i did at first-i wondered how i should be listening about volcanoes even though i didn't want to. i thought about the countless movies i had rented-dante's peak being one. i thought about the guy in front of me who was on myspace the entire time...i wondered who used their myspace anymore-what is hip? what is cool? what is trendy? websites? bikes? shoes? traveling? throw pillows? i tried to think about what really matters in life. i thought about my day and what my schedule was like. i thought about my class i had to teach later in the evening and how, unless my headache magically went away, i absolutely was not looking forward to it. i didn't think about much else because my thinking took up all of class and soon i found myself out the door continuing on with my day.
during the class, where my headache was still clinging onto my forehead for dear life, i realized how much i still wanted to be somewhere else-somewhere that was not presently before me. chaos was all around me and for the first time when teaching, ever, i felt like i didn't want to do this-i didn't want to be there, i didn't want to teach, i didn't want to lead, i didn't want to share, lend a hand, smile, influence, anything-i didn't want to do anything...
...then,joy.
when i was just about to loose it for the first time ever, this little bundle of joy with blonde curly hair walked up to me out of the back row, grabbed my knees, looked up with a smile and said 'miss erica, i'm glad you're my teacher'.
tears. for the first time ever in a class, i thought i was going to loose my temper and instead, for the first time ever in a class, i cried for joy. a hopeful joy. a joy from that of a teacher-a teacher with a tender heart. a teacher with a forgiving heart. a teacher that held my legs firmly on the ground when the room was spinning and the world seemed upside down-a teacher in the form of a five year old...
...i've been thinking a lot about joy lately-a lot.
what really is joy?
comparing our humanly joy with that of Christ's joy is really interesting. the concept of letting joy happen rather than seeking things to find joy is interesting. watching the rise and fall of our humanly joy is interesting-instances of joy itself is something that is extremely interesting. there is much more on my mind...but for now, just this...
'So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.'
—Philippians 2:1-2
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A Take Away Show
Margot and the Nuclear So & So's - As Tall as cliffs - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.
Probably two of the best videos I have seen in a long time.
This is almost as great as seeing them live...almost.
Thank You: blogotheque.net
Monday, July 6, 2009
Oh Cucumbers.
Cucumbers.
I have consumed three whole cucumbers in the past 24 hours
...life's crazy huh?
In the past four days I have watched all of seasons 5,6, and most of 7 of Gilmore Girls, put at least 400 miles on my car, charged my phone twice, settled into a new home, explored youtube, rearranged the living room, bought a new throw pillow, realized my slight irrational fear of ceiling fans, sent out requests for grad schools along the east coast, learned about earthquakes-volcanoes-and other sever storms, decided living in a cave is about the only option to avoid any natural disaster, questioned the validity of weathermen, taken three showers, worn my hair curly for three days, played with a boxer I loved and another dog I didn't, started a new book, watched my toast fly through the air, baked a cake, watched my great uncle experience another birthday with his only grandson, had an amazing conversation with an old friend as well as an amazing conversation with a new acquaintance, memorized lines, seriously thought about purchasing a fish, sang in the car-really loud, finished a lesson plan, finished putting clothes away, finished reading for the day, finished my cucumbers, and am now sitting silently in my newly arranged room wondering if I should finish season seven of gilmore girls.
You know, I wish it were possible to have a brain like an elephant. I love elephants.
Within the past four days, I've accomplished and gone about your everyday business...which actually, considering I honestly haven't really done anything in the past four days besides eat an entire garden while watching the best show in the world, is not saying a lot. However, when broken down into hours, minutes, seconds, we do TONS. Yes, I said it-tons. Like an elephant.
In middle school, there was this phase I went through-a lot of us did-where we would try to document every single little thing that we did.
"8:46-asked a question. 8:48-went to the restroom. 8:49-left the classroom. 8:52-arrived at restroom..."
For days we tried this.
Everyday...we failed.
It was impossible! To focus on one task and try to record what it is you were doing...it's crazy. Interesting, but crazy.
However, I still sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I documented everything-even my thoughts.
I wonder how often I think about going to the bathroom? How often I think about Gilmore Girls? How often I crave cucumbers? How often I think about the goodliness of others...How often I give myself to others rather than myself?
There are so many things that we do in a day-in two days-in three days-in four days-So many things that I don't even want to begin to try and document them all, but I wonder...maybe it's just me...but I wonder what our lives would look like if we did document every moment and calculate it out into columns of what exactly our minds and lives focus on during certain period of time.
I have consumed three whole cucumbers in the past 24 hours
...life's crazy huh?
In the past four days I have watched all of seasons 5,6, and most of 7 of Gilmore Girls, put at least 400 miles on my car, charged my phone twice, settled into a new home, explored youtube, rearranged the living room, bought a new throw pillow, realized my slight irrational fear of ceiling fans, sent out requests for grad schools along the east coast, learned about earthquakes-volcanoes-and other sever storms, decided living in a cave is about the only option to avoid any natural disaster, questioned the validity of weathermen, taken three showers, worn my hair curly for three days, played with a boxer I loved and another dog I didn't, started a new book, watched my toast fly through the air, baked a cake, watched my great uncle experience another birthday with his only grandson, had an amazing conversation with an old friend as well as an amazing conversation with a new acquaintance, memorized lines, seriously thought about purchasing a fish, sang in the car-really loud, finished a lesson plan, finished putting clothes away, finished reading for the day, finished my cucumbers, and am now sitting silently in my newly arranged room wondering if I should finish season seven of gilmore girls.
You know, I wish it were possible to have a brain like an elephant. I love elephants.
Within the past four days, I've accomplished and gone about your everyday business...which actually, considering I honestly haven't really done anything in the past four days besides eat an entire garden while watching the best show in the world, is not saying a lot. However, when broken down into hours, minutes, seconds, we do TONS. Yes, I said it-tons. Like an elephant.
In middle school, there was this phase I went through-a lot of us did-where we would try to document every single little thing that we did.
"8:46-asked a question. 8:48-went to the restroom. 8:49-left the classroom. 8:52-arrived at restroom..."
For days we tried this.
Everyday...we failed.
It was impossible! To focus on one task and try to record what it is you were doing...it's crazy. Interesting, but crazy.
However, I still sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I documented everything-even my thoughts.
I wonder how often I think about going to the bathroom? How often I think about Gilmore Girls? How often I crave cucumbers? How often I think about the goodliness of others...How often I give myself to others rather than myself?
There are so many things that we do in a day-in two days-in three days-in four days-So many things that I don't even want to begin to try and document them all, but I wonder...maybe it's just me...but I wonder what our lives would look like if we did document every moment and calculate it out into columns of what exactly our minds and lives focus on during certain period of time.
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