It's Academic

Today I realized how much I oddly am fascinated with rulers.
Honestly. How COOL!

Twelve inches, 30 centimeters, and fourths, eigths, and so much more in between.
It's so exact. All this work prepared so we can have an easier life.
No more measuring with our feet or spit marking things after the measurement of our palm to palm.




Think of all you can do with a ruler.
Measure things. Lengths or Widths to be exact.
Draw things-boxes.
Throw them as daggers-ok maybe to a five year old boy.



I must admit, the soul purpose of me owning my purple stainless steel non-skid ruler, is so that I am able to draw straight lines when I'm making a calendar or list of some sort of organizational tool.

I have organization ocd.


-----


Going to a dear friends wedding this weekend with an even dearer friend as my date. Oh how I've missed him while he's been away. I'm excited.
I hope I am paid soon...It's been a while. I'm out of peanut butter, jelly, almost out of bread/milk, but I have plenty of cereal. Not a lot of noodles though. Noodles don't go in cereal, but they go in soup, and cereal reminds me of soup. It's liquid.

Bierock

Singing along as harmony is probaly one of my favorite things to do in the world.
I was talking with a friend this weekend about how I never sing around anyone in Manhattan. Ever. It's odd because I have literally grown up with a musical family in a musical town. Singing for no reason is natuarl. Of course I realized that I haven't done this in the town that I've lived in for two and some odd years, but still it's odd and uncomformtable to me yet I still just can't do it. It's weird.

I have mastered the 'shape your hand into a cuplike figure, stick it out the window and use it as an air conditioner'. Mine does not work. Oh cars.

Pulling into the lane on the main drag, you feel that things should feel different. After being away for even a week, it's almost expected that the brief excitment you experience before just reaching that corner of seeing town should somehow be altered in some form or another.
It never is.
It's always that same old small town.
There is new gossip, well, old gossip with some altercations. No big deal or anything. The old chinese restaurant has a new name and the German restaurant has Italian on its menu.
I like being home. It feels natural. Everything seems right.

New Love: Alice Peacock

A lot on my mind.
A lot on my mind.
A lot to sort through.

I am really excited to sing with my dad tonight.
I have been looking forward to it for a long time.
We have some new songs, so it will be as much fun as a barrel full of monkeys.

seven.

1. the real captain crunch reminds me of my childhood

2. a student of mine told me today that she wants to be a teacher just like me. 'a dance teacher or a theater teacher(she takes classes from me in both areas)?' '...(thinks about it)YES! I WANT TO TEACH DANCE CLA(ss) LIKE YOU M(s) ERICA!'. way cute. she's five and doesn't ever say her s's.

3. new phone. ate my old numbers. stupid.

4. i'm sick up gas (fuel).

5. i just saw a commercial for 'a day getaway in kansas'. emporia was on the list...seriously? i laughed.

6. i miss my friends. living away from them is frustrating at times. but i love them.

7. i like sharon osbournes new hair cute. very chic.

this is my life.

real imagery.

Listen:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=skVSc98ZDsw




Read:
The Red Wheelbarrow -- William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.



I was thinking about this today and was surprised I haven't talked about it in a while-or at all.

This is one of my favorite poems ever.
It really is.

Yiddish

Word of the day: Altacaca

An alatacaca is a Yiddish word that usually refers to an old grumpy yet concerned Jewish man who sprays spit everywhere when he speaks.

I watched Whoopi Goldberg on Bravo this morning.
I forgot how funny she is.

Really. She was pretty funny.
She talked about her life when she was young and how society has changed from then to now-to me, that is hilarious.


I have watched Clueless twice in three days.
Weirdly, I like it.
Don't judge.

Con in the making.

I learned how to open a locked door with a credit card & I have to say, I am really good at it. Dead bolts don't work & I now need a new library card.


I was working on it this morning wearing a black glove (it gives you blisters with all the shimmying) and my dad walked by the back patio off the dining room and didn't even notice. I later showed him as a 'happy fathers day' type of deal. I think he found it impressive. Then we watched the storms come in and we saw rotation. It was fun.


I am good at this sneaky thing.

12.21.12

Like many others, I have been hearing a lot about Dec 21, 2012 and the happenings that might occur on that date. Before talk of this I have been thinking a lot about the events that are discussed in Revelation and how I do feel that in some aspects 'we are politically, morally and socially corrupt. We completely ignore the signs that earth is a fragile ecosystem that needs protecting, and we continue to use and abuse our planet for our own selfish reasons'. Not only our planet, but we as humans use and abuse ourselves for our own selfish reasons. Because of this, I am somewhat fearful of what we are not only doing to ourselves but the place in which God created for us to live. But I take much comfort in the fact that He said we will not know when the end will come. I just feel a bit stressed about the downward motion that our world has already started and the sad fast progression of this. I also feel that we have so much potential to do good...but we're lazy and selfish. I am guilty of it, but all I am saying is that now that we're aware of our vices, why are we not able to try and better them?

Anyway, this is just a thought I had.

.Max Richter. On The Nature Of Daylight.

Today I found a picture. A negative of a picture to be exact.
A baby. A newborn baby was captured within the colorless, motionless, now homeless negative.
Ripped, scratched, covered with earth-this newborn life of glossy brown and black had been snatched from the winds of devastation and blown out into the open and later found its way into my hands. Someones life was in my hands. Literally. Without question, lying on my desk right now is a piece of someone's life thrown from the destruction of a tornado.

After grazing the campus today camera in hand, it's difficult for me to yet grasp that someone else could very easily be holding a picture of me and my family, a graduation, a recital, a girls night photo that could have been taken from my life and blown out into the world. Without question. Without much warning. Without warrant.

Captured on my camera: A wedding. A snow day. A child. A handful of lives that are now changed for a long moment that only took but one to cause.

Later down the road, I looked down to find yet another picture-A negative. Across campus, a ten minute walk at least, was the other half of the first negative. A perfect fit almost. To complete the life, a family was now in sight. At a beach-sand castles, swim suits, umbrellas, sunglasses and the ocean off in the distance. A perfect family picture.

I feel so awkward having someone's copy of their life on my desk.
On my desk that is still in my room underneath my roof.
While their ripped negative of a family vacation is nothing but possibly a memory to them now.
Not only do I feel somewhat odd about this, I also feel a bit at ease that I have been honored to see a glimpse into someone else's life. To be the one, out of all of those rummaging through this disaster today, to piece these two instantly worn pieces of film together and experience a piece of their own-I think it to be nothing short of a blessing.
I am grateful.
I am so grateful.





The Grand Canyon Family(top).
Another photo torn by the 'rain-wrapped' destruction.

I see a dinosaur-no a turtle-no it's a toaster!

The clouds are perfect to play the imagination game today.

Confession...

I don't read the endings to books.
I don't watch the endings of movies.

It is something that I've never really done.
It's not a purposeful thing, I don't think.
I just don't really do it.

Even if I've told someone that I've finished a book-it's three-fourths truth.
I usually read all except about the last chapter or so.

There is one book that I completely finished in its entirety.

Sribbler of Dreams.

It's this awful tacky teen love drama that I bought at a book fair in seventh grade. I read it every spring. Every spring; Like clockwork. I don't know what it is that makes me continue to read this ridiculously sappy love triangle over and over again-I would like to say that I have thought about this issue over and over again like a psychiatrist and have come to the conclusion that it's an inner something or other-but I can't. I mean, maybe it's true. Maybe I can't finish books or watch movies because 'I am unaware of the future of my life and therefore am scared of the outcome or won't like the ending...' That would be cool I guess...Maybe? I think it's because I become bored very easily. I fixate on the story within book or movie for as long as my attention span allows and them I'm done. I have ending A.D.D. Truthfully I do. Well...I guess not all of the time. If I can foretell the ending, my own ending, then I'm done, but if I mull over it for a while and cannot come to a conclusion of what I feel the ending should be, then I will watch or read the remainder of the piece. Then again, I suppose I could be Dr. Life and conclude that because of my diagnosed 'ending A.D.D. portions of my life will never feel complete or whole because I will leave them unfinished and move on before great things could fall into place or fixate on the fiction and while I am creating my own early ending I will never see the real thing'. ...Eh, maybe. I guess. That just sounds silly.

I just think better books need to be written and better movies need to be produced.

True Love

The kids I work with are absolutely adorable.
Today one of my favorite little girls (you're not supposed to have favorites-but you do, get over it) was having a really really really difficult time leaving her mom. My favorite little boy decided that he would come over and show her how the magnets work. Keep in mind they have never met before and have both JUST turned 'fhree'. Anyway, he takes the two pieces of magnets and goes 'LOOK! (sticks it to the chair, laughs uncontrollably, then pulls it off and goes up to the very sad little blonde 'fhree' year old sobbing in my lap and puts the magnet to her lips)'. She immediately stops crying, bulges out her eyes and can't do anything the rest of the morning but follow him around with puppy dog eyes and a cute little blank look on her face. It was by far the cutest thing I have probably ever seen in my life.

I have a bug bite. It itches really very badly.
I didn't know I had it until I accidentally scratched it and now it won't stop.

Today I have an urge to be a brunette again. I liked being a brunette. I liked being a red head as well. I liked having six colors on my head at one point too. I did not like having polka dots. I did not like strawberry blonde. I did not like the orange transition period of red to natural blonde. I have enjoyed my recent blonde. However, in the past I have not enjoyed being platinum blonde. That was not fun. I felt like a hooker.

Secret: I have never wanted to stand on stilts. I do not like high unstable things.

I am starting to become very lonely and restless here in Manhattan.

Salvatore-What a New York name.

It is really windy out. I can't sleep well with lots of wind. It freaks me out. Is that unusual?

Weird things in the house today. Weird things in general this weekend. Too weird to talk about. Trust me.


I remembered how much I love Mogwai today. Great 'thinking' music.


Does it mean anything if you've consistently been having nightmares? I hope not.

Manhattan is absolutely wonderful. I am very excited to live here this summer-Rumor has it, Manhattan summers are something to remember forever.
However, I would give anything to be in Chicago.
I have also had the urge to maybe visit/live in Colorado or Oregon.

There are so many places I want to visit. I haven't really been anywhere.
I was talking with someone today who has had a very fortunate life of traveling almost everywhere. It is no big deal for her to just leave and go somewhere for fun. When I told her I haven't ever seen the ocean or been to New York the look on her face looked as though I had just tossed cow manure at her. It was this look of total and complete disgust. For the first time in an extremely long time, I felt very small. I don't ever really feel smaller or less significant than someone else. It was one of those moments when you feel that you're at this glamorous ball where everyone looks wonderful-and there you are-cut off shorts, wife beater, dirt, grease, just off the farm look. A 'Cinderella' moment if you will. I was quite angry with myself for not having the strength to let myself not feel that way. It didn't last very long though. It was just weird. I wasn't used to it. I didn't like it at all. It happens though. This also made me realize, that although she is fortunate enough to travel and live in this manner, I am fortunate enough to realize how fortunate she is and that life doesn't need to be like this...because I don't think that she does at all.

Oh, today on the highway, someone flipped me the bird for absolutely no apparent reason that I could see. That was entertaining. I don't like drivers these days anyway. Careless. We, yes we, don't understand the power that we have while driving a one ton+vehicle. I have come to this conclusion from a whole lot of experience.

Although I have time, Grad school has been on my mind recently.
A long time ago (earlier this fall) a guy from NYU contacted me-a few different times-and wanted to talk. Apparently he has my name from a mentor of mine. He is the head of the theater education dept there. I e-mailed him back but we haven't really actually had our 'discussion' yet. I don't want to. His number has been sitting on my desk all year. It hasn't moved. I am comfortable right now...but I shouldn't be comfortable. I don't think you should ever be too comfortable. Kind of like the movie Chocolat...you know? I have all of these reasons why I shouldn't call him and not very many that I should-except that I know how important it would be. I don't know. It will probably still sit here for another year-not that it matters. I should have called him the minute he asked me to, that chance is long gone.

I love Mogwai. I don't like strong winds.

Across the Universe with pure joy.

My best friend made me cry. My best friend made me cry and I am sitting there red faced with salty tears streaming into my mouth, watching her, and thinking '...how absolutely beautiful'.


Carol Wood sings the most powerful version of 'Let it Be' I have ever heard in my life.


'When I find myself in times of TROUBLE, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of WISDOM, let it be.
And in my hour of DARKNESS she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of WISDOM, let it be.
Let it Be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom. Let it BE...I wake up to the sound of MUSIC, Mother Mary comes to be. let it be. let it be. let it be. let it be. There WILL be an ANSWER, let it be'.


Watching this wonderful women who has stood by me through every emotion and event in my life-watching her express her pure God given talent, raw, bare, and so honest in front of an audience with the background music of these powerful and truthful lyrics...my best friend made me cry and I am so grateful.


I have been thinking a lot about, not so much our purpose, but the work we do and how we sort of define what our work's purpose is for. How we feel the outcome of our works might have the effect to change the life of another. I don't think we fully realize how impactful the little traits and qualities that we are given can be to others. For sometime now I have constantly been thinking of the talents each person posses and how they can be used for the good of others rather than a selfish way that makes them 'feel good'.

Like theater. I struggled tremendously going back into the wonderful world of theater. For a long while I felt it was a selfish thing to do. It made me feel so great. A high that nothing else could give me. How in the world did I contribute my works to others and to Him by acting? I couldn't find a reason-and so, I stopped. I just stopped doing what made me the happiest for two years. Probably the stupidest yet smartest thing I could have done. Not only can I never make up the lost time that I could have been gaining experience and training-I was absolutely miserable. I didn't realize that this talent in my life made me who I was. The things that I learned by taking the role and studying the life of someone else, contributed to my own life dramatically. However, taking that break and exploring and learning in different aspects of life has made me appreciate and understand how important this talent is to me and to others. Now I truly feel that my purpose somehow incorperates this talent. It is no longer a selfish hobby that makes me feel good. To take the role of someone else, to show emotions, experiences, lives, the differences and interactions between other human beings-in a way it's almost spiritual. To have the ability to take these different aspects of God's creation and show it to others...to me that is what is so great about theater.

Our talents are not given to us to sit there and make us wonder 'why?'. They are to be shown and shared in a purposeful way. If we can understand that much, the rest is not so complicated.

STELLA!!!!!!!

I've spent the better half of this week wet or in the basement.
Today I met both of my neighbors. They were all in our basement when the sirens went off. I like how they finally felt the need to say hello when their lives are in danger. Aren't storms nice...? But really, they were sweet. There is actually one girl who is only living in one of the houses for the summer but we got along so great and she is wonderful! I have a feeling that we will be hanging out a bit in the coming months!

I want a dog. I miss mine so much it isn't even funny.
I have decided that I still need to wait. I don't have the time for loving on a puppy the way it needs-or the discipline. Though, I want one so completely and ridiculously bad.

I have also decided this. When the time comes when I have the time for a dog...it will be a border collie. BUT...they chase things, cars-this could be a serious complication Maybe if I married a race car driver...they could just play out back on the track and live in the country and he would never get hit...maybe not. I also really want a boxer. SO GREAT! But there are cuter dogs. I love beagles with all of my heart...but every time I look at one I think of Daisy. I don't want to call my future dog by the wrong name of my dead dog...that's awful. I really like the Labrador Retriever, Beagle mix. SOOO much energy though...and probably a lot of barking and chewing. All of the dogs I want start with the letter B. That has nothing to do with my love of dogs.
I have decided on a name though. I have had this name for my future dog for years. STELLA. How great is that? Think about it...you holler at dogs a lot right? IT's also a cute name. It's not a foofoo name or a name name, so I think it fits. I just hope I don't have a boy...he'll have a lot of issues through life because I am not changing the name to suite the sex of this dog. Tough. I like the name.

I will not have a Komondor. I feel it is cruel to have a dog look like that. It's not natural.

I am watching the news and I SWEAR a newscaster on CSPAN just called someone a 'fat cat'. hahahaha, I really think he did! HHAHAHAHA. I need a nap. This shouldn't be that hilarious and I shouldn't express laughing through typing like this, it's weird.

Swing batter batter swiiiiing!

Today's Agenda Looking Back:

9:50 Awake to a crazy thunderstorm.
10:20 Shower-"ARE THOSE THE SIRENS? ....#@*^!!"
10:22 Quickly dress while dripping wet.
10:30 Sitting in the basement eating an apple and bagel-still wet.
10:35 Decide this is ridiculous so I go grab my computer to finish some work while I sit there.
10:40 Can't stand being wet anymore so I leave to go dress myself-despite the hail.
11:15 'Ooh, I see sunlight. No biggie'. I make pasta salad.
11:25 'Still sunlight. I finish the deviled eggs I boiled last night.
11:45 My mom calls to make sure I'm not dead and tells me she's proud that I am now domesticated.
12:00 Put the brisket in.
12:30 Quick run to the store to fix a craving for bbq chips. Yumm.
1:00 No one shows for the bbq-yet.
1:50 Still no one. 'Why did you put 1-6? Dumb.'
1:54 Leave to drop something off at work.
2:02 Decide I am really lucky to live two blocks from work.
2:30 One friend arrives.
2:33 Three more friends arrive.
3:35 One more friend arrives.
4:15 And another friend arrives.
4:15-6 Good times were had.
6:10-7 Great talk with a dear friend. Great talk. Love her.
7-8:40 Decided I needed to finish some work.

8:50 'ERICA ERICA ERICA!!'
'YEAH??'
'OOOOOOoooooOOOOOH BAT BAT BAT-THERE IS A BAT DOWN HERE!!'
'...ha. seriously?'
At this point after the humor left, I decided I should help my roommate. So I
grab a jacket zipped it up-hood included-and set out downstairs.
'There is a bat in the study!'
'For real?' -instantly a bat flies out of the study and into the living room.
'Ohhh. There is!'
'Should we call the landlord?'
'Uh-yes. Maybe, I don't know. I know a friend who might know what to do.'
So I text him-however the minute I sent it I felt bad 1-He's in rehearsal
2-He has to pay for his texts 3-Why would he know how to wrangle a bat
4-I felt like it was a lame damsel in distress text-not intentional.
'Ok. Lets call Will'.
After calling our landlord we decide to grab a shower curtain, open the front door, and yell a lot while pushing him out. After a lot of screaming and some ever so pointless sweet talk-It was still flying in circles like a broken record. Finally we reached the front door and it had landed on the floor next to the french doors leading into a bedroom. We open the door-which I'm sure looked much like an awful horror flick when there is someone with an ax behind the door and the audience knows but the character opens it anyway-and in one swift choreographedlike motion my roommate grabs the shower curtain and I, looking like an insane eskimo in 90 degree weather, grab a chair to prop open the door. At last-the bat sees the door. It attempted at least six times before it found the courage to fly through. I kept thinking to myself at this point that I should either rub my fingers together (heard that worked) or cheer it on like a cheerleader. Figuring I would look more like a drunken idiot I instead decided it would be best to stand there and think about all the other places bats could live in my house. I came up with 23 significant places where a bat would make a happy little home.