The Portrait of an Author.

...I am always amazed with the introduction inside of books and how they always manage to take an authors life, lustrous or not, compile everything into one little section. Words like 'exquisite stillness', divine horizon', and 'incomparable impression' are thrown around, and yet, as 'courageously profound' as the authors of the author make their lives out to be, I'm not so amazed. I finish it wondering...'so yeah, they wrote this book and some other great ones and sure they hung out with other authors who spent time outdoors 'capturing life in its truist form'-well, obviously their love lives were awful and their childhood was predictibly the reasoning behind their insane brillance that ultimately coincided with their horrible downfall in life...but, really, is that it?'

You know, I don't even know what it is that I'm looking for, but it seems as though I'm hungry to know more about the author while reading their 'introduction'...maybe this is quite possibly why the introduction is written: they hook you with the sad pitiful life of the author, plainly draw out the questions that we haven't even come up with yet that explains the depth of the work that in the end, all together totals about thirty pages (vi-xxxv)-not including the bibliography (xxxvi-xxxvii) and this all happens even BEFORE page one.
Obviously-the short translated version of a classic that they slip right in there after the biography...real smart guys, huge page turner. Story ruined.

All I'm saying is, maybe just post a link that's some odd number long below the title page so that 1-paper will be saved, 2-promotion of other resourses are being used, and 3-human beings now a days won't feel like daft idiots whose hands are strewn with paper cuts from flipping back counting pages wondering what number xxvii translates too.

Now...I will try once more to continue my voyage of 'The Portait of Lady' by: the man whose 'personal life took on its penultimate form...' THE-Henry James

a little late...

...but i love it all the same. even after christmas.


may the christmas spirit continue throughout the year.

White Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!


I GOT ME SOME NEW SOCKS!
Lets make some snow families in the yard.

obsessed

i want these costumes.
i wish i could have done this dance.
i wish i could have just been there.
oh. my. gosh.

thinkin of packin some boxes...nah.

thank you madi. my all nighter would have been awful without you.
simple, yet addictive.

Shoutout...not via twitter.

If I were to ever have a dog...I would name her Stella. Inspiration: Streetcar Named Desire.

If I were to ever have a cat...I would name her Euguene. Eugee for short (Ew-G).

If I were to ever have a fish...another fish...I would name 'it' Sinkem.

If I were to ever have a goat...no. I wouldn't.



I want an apartment with landlords that will allow me to pretend I was a vet. Or like Dr. Dolittle (which he actually did a lot...if you think about it). No! I would be like Noah, animals would be eeeeeeeeverywhere. I love animals.

Too bad I am only allowed to have 'sinkem'...or a ferret. Merry Christmas.


This is a weird blog...I am sorry.
For the record-I don't like nor would I ever really and honestly want a ferret.

Kina.

Umm... I am in LOVE.

.Dear Norman.

"Good artists have total control over their work and express their own vision, while searching for truth."

Spin Spin Spin SPIN!

Major League Dreidel.

Intense.

The first night of Hanukkah many gather round for their chance of glory-who can spin the dreidel the longest. 'No gelt, no glory' is the theme of the competition and with the crowd chanting "spin, spin, spin, spin" those who wish to step up to the table can feel the heightened energy in the room. Unlike the traditional dreidel that is left up to chance, here, everyone has their own personal touch of technique. The past competition started out with about 64 competitors and those were set up into brackets much like other sports competitions. Sadly, unlike other sports, Major League Dreidel is the shortest competition as well as the shortest season. This does not mean that the season is not intense...oh no, some say this is possibly the most intense sport that has ever been. Needless to say, the competitors that come from around the globe, bring their A game. Last years winner, Howard Pavony-also known as Virtual Dreidel-states that his secret to a long, long dreidel spin is "to remain calm, and not show emotion. It's like the holiday of Hanukkah itself, he says. Just as the oil in the temple burned for eight days, so too a great dreidel player has patience and spirit."




Major League Dreidel


photos found at flickr.

set all things right

Stigma: small town America. Or should I say, 'Amurica'.

For some, this means many things. American flags. Cows. Wheat fields. Barns. Walmart. Small mindedness. Pies. Trailers. Dirt. Plaid. Conservative...Natty Light.


For me, the first I think of is...home. The wave of a neighbor hanging their flag out front. The beauty in the changing of seasons. The comfort of a four way stop at almsot every corner. The security that things might be as I left them. As if I bookmarked my favorite place in my most treasured story as a child so that I could return to it at a moments notice. Yet, at the same time, change is in consistent motion. Slower than others, but still, moving. Growing. Taking the time to cherish things around the lives of folks living in a community as they grow rather then pushing through them. The tradition of the same ol same ol...secrets of baking the perfect cherry pie. How to press a shirt in just the right places. Savoring a nice cold beer on the porch at a longs days end...Conservative and slow paced for some, but, for me...this is home. This is where it begins and where it should end.My small town will be apart of me for as long as I live and no matter where my life leads me-this corny yellow brick road will lead these ruby red slippers home to where it all seems to make sense. Where things seem to fit together. Where no matter how you shake the globe, things eventually seem to settle-a bit disheveled, but settle non the less. This, this is what I am thankful for every day of the year. Our lives are able to pause. Pause just as we are. Where we are, and observe our lives and those around us. Where we are. Not to take just this one day and then push forward again, but to really pause, step back and savor how exquisite the world is. How important taking our time to savor and how pertinent it is to give a gesture of gratitude in return. The wave of a neighbor. The talk with a father. The comfort of a dog at foot. The hope that the sun will rise again for yet another breathtaking day.
Happy Endless Day of Thanks my friends.

*The last five refined photos courtesy of the best brother in the world, alec

Teacher schooled by imaginary students

...it's 11:30 on a Monday and my little body just decided to wake up. Sleeping in, is woooonderful-except, when I sleep in, I tend to have dreams. Dreams are great and everyone has them, but the dreams that I have when excessive amounts of sleep have happened are often or not more...let's just say interesting and graphic than most.

Last night I had a hand full of dreams that linked together in a peculiar sequence that, needless to say, didn't make sense at all. Sitting here, I really can't make out what exactly those dreams where; something about dandelions, elf shoes, the LA Lakers, new carpet, green beans and a factory that binds books and prints ONLY the publishing page. Like I said, odd sequence. Though, there was one dream that I found to be very interesting that also caused me to wake up with my head in whirlwind of confusion...



The Dream:
My dance class and I are sitting in a room full of mirrors. I am not saying anything but the sense in the room is that we have just finished a conversation of some importance. Quickly, but with pertinence, one my students begins to recall an entire passage from the Bible. Then, another student with their share of an entire chapter. Then, another, and another and another, and another. After they have all quoted pretty much the entire New Testament they look to me and tell me that it is my turn. Feeling awful that I am not able to deliver an entire fifteen pages+of the Bible, I tell them that all I have to offer are my favorite verses that I have collected throughout my years that have significance. Then they look at me and begin to stand up with the dream slowly stopping-there is no telling how the dream turns out, because I woke up-confused beyond belief.

-What does this mean???-

The Civil Wars

gorgeous house.
gorgeous song.
gorgeous video.

got em'

It's official.

Sasquatch lives above me.

You never see him.
You never smell him.

But you hear him.
all. the. time.
buddy, i know it's lonely being big hairy scary and alone, but please, i beg you...

stop playing hopscotch upstairs.
thank you yeti. you can be my friend-outside though.

.these rocks starting makin trouble in my neighborhood.

Rocks.
Once, they were interesting.
Now...they are just rocks.
You can no more make a rock anymore intersting than it already is than you can make an airplane fly out of sticks.
I'm sorry.

That's my peace.


Volcanoes are cool though.
That's a huuuge rock. Kind of.
-but I'm not contradicting my point-



I'll never bore with this...

the endless dream game (day)

What a day. A Sunday. I've slept nine hours watched two whole movies and I'm on my third. A bountiful breakfast of leftover popcorn and sixlets accompanied a delightful one sided conversation with my mother. Days like this are glorious.

Lets talk movies. A Paranormal Activity: Decent. Scary? At times...but I would say it was more along the lines of intriguing to the point of being startled. The 'old time' camera tricks were great, but not mystifying. The plot? It was ok. The acting? You know...after watching it I really wonder if the characters had scripted dialogue at all. I honestly think that they improved the entire show. Which was cool and made it feel more realistic but there was something missing from it, I don't know. I also think that because I knew (from word of mouth) that because all of the reeeally scariness happened in the last five minutes, everything else that happened I just considered-kind of scary. Overall, I would see it again-but not in a theatre full of high schoolers-that was mistake #1, hands down.

My Dog Skip: Movies with dogs and set in a different era are the best. That's all I really have to say about that. Luke Wilson is hot.

The Sandlot: Aaaaaamazing Sunday afternoon movie. All other movies of 'choice' for this beautiful day would just be lame-'...an L-7-weeeenie', if you will.

How about that Halloween Holiday. I dressed as Amelia Earhart. I loved my costume. The cardboard replica plane that I made to fit around my waist was a hit-but only with some. Throughout the entire night only, say, two in five people knew what I was-and that's pushing it. I take solace in the fact that it took time to create my beautifully historical accurate 'lady lindy' and others might not have cared so much about this creative holiday.

Next Halloween-already planned out.

you're not a sour egg. i promise.

Dear Blog.
I feel as though I should begin this entry with a formal greeting such as this for the simple fact that the time and energy I've spent thinking about my blog amounts to that of a complete stranger-zilch. There have been eggs that I've spent more time, consideration and inspection with recently...Blog, please accept my sincerest appology for blogging failure. I will now spend more time jotting down blogging ideas when at the store rather than creating insufficient bonds with produce items.



Obsessions are not good things-in no way do I condone having obsessions. However, I am about to immediately contradict myself at this very moment. Instead of concocting brilliant blog posts, I instead have been finding that I drift into the land of the following...My current loves and 'obsessions' in life that are small and insignificant to some...but for me, however odd they might be, light up my world like a giant patch of sunflowers.

number one

All things fall.

number two

The absolute beautiful, admirable, and strong people I'm blessed to have in my life. Elephants are my favorite animals for a reason...

number three

Really awful-but really hilarious tattoos.

number four

cute little things...like my puppy.

I want to be a Bur Oak.

I'm taking the day.
Today I'm taking my day.
I'm taking the day to rethink. recharge. redirect. whatever other ditty you might think of that fits the definition of my day.
Today I'm taking the afternoon in solitude to try and figure out why it is that we do what we do. Why it is that we desire the things we desire. Take a little stroll. Revisit the life I think of often and the things that made me fall in love with this town. Try and find the sun within this bittersweet rainy October day. James Taylor could will help me with that. I mean, he's seen fire and he's rain but most of all...he's seen sunny days that he never thought would end. He knows what's up.

The trees is a changin and boy they are pretty. Fall seems to have happened overnight. I fell asleep to Sisterhood of the Traveling pants with their summer rays and woke up to the set of Stepmom with these beautiful leaves that look as though they've been shipped from the east of New York themselves...It makes me feel as though they've gone on a vacation and left me here all year to fend for myself. The green to Iceland...the plum to England...and the speckled-the speckled ones are a real treat. They floated to Italy where they once felt the brushes of Monet himself. Oh how I wish I could be a tree sometimes. Plant my roots solidly, yet all the while my leaves would fly far far away. Corny right? I'm working on a show right now and am very much in touch with my teenage aspirations and rhyming 'daydreaming' sequences. Yet...as of late, they are not my own.

Just an observation, but it's very rare that we take our masks off. Any of us. I mean sure we're honest and true for the most part...but there's always that one fear, that one flaw, that one crack in our lives that we've spackled so well that it's hard to even see where it is on the wall. Which in a way, is wonderful...The importance of safely mending yourself must not be overlooked but I feel there is also something to be said for knowing and understand where it is and why it is there. There is also something to be said for taking a risk of vulnerability. Though a new coat of paint over this mend is all well and good...It makes it hard to relate to someone when they have bravely allowed that black mark to stand out vulnerably and say 'this is who i am'.

Venice. I would like to visit Venice someday. Or Iceland. Or even New York. You know, Meg Ryan states it so true that fall definitely issues the right to buy a bouquet of sharpened pencils. It just seems right. Maybe my acting 'skills' will help me transform into a tree. Then I could travel 'round the whooooole world. Those trees man...maybe it's those trees that know what's up.

Home.

I was just informed of the phone bill.
The texting for this month went as follows:

My brother: 4,981
Myself: 2,032
My mom: 364

...


My dad: 16.


My mom and I had a hearty laugh after this.

ace of cakes...

...here i come.

it's been a crazy weekend.
picnic at the park.
dinner with friends.
second city show (of which i watched two of the best skits ever 'no one reads your blog' and 'that's fall'.
















cleaned house. ...or at least i attempted to...

rehearsals.
amazing roommate time.
spent tons of time on the porch.











spent time with friends.

my parents took me to dinner.
started a book.











enjoyed a weekend full of live music.


and practiced par core.


more importantly...as of thirty forty minutes ago...it is now time to celebrate the best day of the year.



the first day of fall.

Wooden Steps.

Two stairs up. Two stairs down.
A smile forever.
Two little legs have not carried for long.
Yet the first, smiled forever.
The eyes of the watchful hold fast and strong with,
a smile so long as forever.

The hope of the first,
The will of the second,
Followed by relief of the third which inspires the descent...
...further and further.
Two stairs up. Two stairs down.
A smile forever.

Two little legs with ease and grace.
Two wide eyes searching for a familiar face.
Humbling and warm.
Hopeful for more...
Those of the watchfaul have faith in the soul-
that that smile, that beautiful smile is forevermore.

Switchin...

...I think I am going to switch to a dance minor instead of the one that I'm not pursuing.

That makes me happy.
That makes sense.
That makes me happy.
There sometimes feels like there is never enough time.
It always feels like options appear to make semi.the.most sense at the last minute and of the most awkward of times.
How wonderful.

That is all.

Oh. The man behind me is sick. Hawking a snotrocket in public is the most attractive thing in the world. I'm asking him on a date in two seconds. man.of.my.dreams.
I'll let you know how it goes.

Nine=no.

Often, I find myself walking through town or doing everyday activities thinking 'Oh man, x,y,z would make a great blog entry!' or 'Golly, I should really write about that, what an interesting topic to discuss!'. Though it turns out, that I often find myself sittig in front of the computer remembering only the places where I thought of the idea topic...but not the topic itself-instead, I'm left only with the number of ideas I have brainstormed.




So far today, the number is nine.
Nine for nothing. Zero.
Come on brain. Work that memory.
What a brick wall.
But, we will try again tomorrow.



I really like joe purdy lately.
He's fun-Not a zero.

sunday spruce

I don't understand how to start a project takes effort and then to finish the project takes even more effort.

The dishes.
They sit there and sit there...you think 'i should do those'. You do them...but for me, I start to do them, then I decide that I should clean the counters. So...I clean the counters. Then I think 'I should clean the table'. So...I clean the table. Then I think 'I should dust-I already have the things out. It will look so much better if I dust'. So...I dust. Then I think 'I should rearrange the pillows, that will give the living room a fresh look.' So...I rearrange the throw pillows. Then I think, I should put everything else in order that needs to be in order'. So...I shuffle things around until everything looks as close to a "Better Homes and Gardens" cover as I could possible make it-until I look back into the kitchen.

I am sitting in my very clean and newly spruced living room with my computer in tow looking into the kitchen. There still sitting the sink are the dirty dishes waiting to be loaded into the washer, which is still open, as if it's saying "come clean me!!" with it's wide open door. The thing is...I feel as though I've done my part for the day and I don't want to do anything else.

I don't understand how to start a project takes effort and then to finish the project takes even more effort.

Joe Purdy

i hate commercials. they are loud. they are annoying. they are silly.

but this one...i like this one a lot.

four year mark.

...If you were to take all members of facebook and place them on their own little spot within the world's map...they would be the 7th largest country in the entire world.

chew on that for a while.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realize that many are caught up in the cliche hub-ub with the commencement of school again-but let me just put my two cents from my life out there.

.today, as a senior (half of one), i sat in the lobby of my building waiting to walk to my freshman geology lab. it was here were i was completely surrounded by obvious freshmen with their glowing eyes and their awkward 'i'm totally comfortable with what's going on' smiles. it was also here were i was confronted by multiple freshmen asking me about my life, major, where i was from, how my summer was, was i excited about the school year, if i was doing ok on campus and everything else that is covered in a small talk sort of way-except my year...it was here when i realized-they think i'm a freshmen! 'are you doing ok with the large campus?'
.i just nodded.

.after the freshmen walked into their freshman lecture like a herd of cattle waiting to either be branded or set free into the field, i remained seated while being stared down with curious eyes. after the doors closed i walked to my natural place within this 'large campus'...next door to my freshmen lab. feeling like a new 'confident' freshman i looked at the wall and saw 109...so since it was on my schedule-i walked in. it wasn't until i realized...'how can you do a lab in a lecture hall', when i walked out-feeling the heat from the gaze of many eyes on my back. outside i asked the man with the clipboard who had directed a few other students to different rooms if he was the TD for a class on this floor. 'NO' was his blatant response. i then asked if he knew where room 109 was. though it wasn't needed i continued: "because i went into that lecture but didn't think it was in there and i was totally lost in this building because it's not my normal building and i thought it was the right room because it's on my schedule...but it's a lecture-not a lab and you had your clipboard so i was just curious if you knew where it was since you look to qualified...' and it was here where i was preparing myself to tell him how i felt like a freshman today but in reality i am a senior when he cleared his throat...and pointed to the wide open door directly in front of us where the rest of my 'fellow' freshmen classmates were staring at us all the while listening to our conversation.



good day.good day.

wow, look at me go.

i know this is old...but i love it all the same.

seven days.

Cinnamon.
The essence of fall.
Pancakes with cinnamon.
The essence of goodness.
The essence of a breakfast for a champion. The breakfast to the start of a very very very long week. A week off. A week of...idolness? Long pointless hours in a coffee shop? Read a book? Begin reading for school? Attempt to become a writer? Pursue life more seriously? Visit the zoo. Go for a walk. Watch the same fifteen movies over and over. Wish that I were a painter? Learn the violin? A week off...what will I do?

.........

Before I graduate-I would like to drive down Moro street the wrong way...just to see what would happen. I feel as if a ticket might be issued-a rather large ticket...but, would it be worth it? I think so.

..........

Though I have a week to myself-a week of freedom...I don't want anyone to move back to town. For two consecutive summers I have lived in this town. I feel that I have some sense of ownership to not want the ones who simply 'go to school here' to move back into town. I don't see that as ok. I LIVE here now. My town. This is silly-I know-especially since we are talking about Manhattan, but after a certain amount of time a community builds. During the summer I feel that in some ways, there is a stronger community that is built rather than ones during the school year. I don't know how it is or in what ways I could describe it...but it's odd and I like it.

On the flip side...if people do not move back into town...then fall will not come and without fall...well let's just say cinnamon would not taste so superb.

blessed be your name.

"it dosn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine"

Song for a Blue Guitar.

Laughter. It has been explained to me that laughter is life's therapy. This is so hard to understand when you're in a rut. It's hard to laugh-it's hard to think-it's hard to ponder-it's hard to do much of anything but dwell on the mishappenings of your life that are bogging you down.


Laughter. Laughter brings about joy-or vice versa. The thing is, once you start laughing-like a really really really hearty laugh, it's so hard to stop. The world has begun to spin about in ways that you never even imagined and it's so exciting and crazy but so comforting at the same time.

Laugh therapy.
Even the tiniest of "ha's" and "he's" are able to spark a smile that is so worth while. It's familiar. Laughing is so familiar. It's funny too that sometimes the more familiar things in life inspire us to laugh more often than not. That joy is brought about by things which are familiar and comfortable to us. That joy is something that runs so deep and sometimes feels that there is no better way to express how dear and blessed we feel besides a smile...followed by a little giggle. A glee full of giggle.

I pray that today we will see the joy that surrounds us. I pray that we will just let the joy fill us and seek for opportunities to admire it, not in worldly things or possesions, but that we admire and are thankful for the blessings that surround us-even when they seem to be blue. I am hopefull that today will be a day of joy.

finding solitude.

exhausted.
i am so exhausted to the point where i can't figure out if i've just burnt all of my ends out and have nothing else or if i'm way past that and now i'm just lazy and am tired from being so lazy. this silly summer haze has smothered my brain so that everything is backside up and i'm looking at the world from a position where the blood is rushing to my head and i just want it to stop. i want to be able to look at the world clearly again without wanting to fall asleep or without wondering if my works are plentiful and purposeful. i want to have the eagerness to write something that i don't almost feel embarrassed about but to become excited to share something amazing, or funny, or worthwhile that might instill a meaningful thought into someones mind.

it's so hard to be intentional and purposeful towards others when you yourself are hanging upside down topsy turvy trying to figure out how to put your feet on the ground to move forward. though...you know...i suppose a good handful of people in the world are hanging that way as well. so i suppose if i'm hanging there with them, we can figure out a way to get down together...?

today i'm going to take a hike. or bake something. or clean something. or walk somewhere. or paint something. today i'm going to do something though...something that i have not done in a long time that is much overdue-taking a period of time in solitude. not a short quiet time like a do daily-but to take the entire day to spend it in solitude.

Black French Press.

...It's all I can do to drag myself away from this window in a few minutes. You see, this simply painted black french window is the only thing that keeps me away from this beautiful summer storm. Horrizontally falling in streams that could quite possibly kill an ant, this rain is so gorgeous. I have always thought so. Oh the puddles this will make.

Lord I thank you for this day, this coffee, for the seasons, for community, and for ants. Lord I thank you for cute little babies and their bald little heads. I thank you for our fears of thunder and the unknown. But Lord, I pray that today, during this loud pounding thunder and this ragging storm, that you protect and hold close comfort for those in need.


(as a student of mine would say)

AY (like a pirate) men!

Let's Clap

Margot and the Nuclear So & So's - As Tall as cliffs - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

'I tell tales, tall as cliffs...'
I write. I enjoy it. Nothing that I can say I am particularly proud of, but everything is a process. Writing makes sense to me.

'...but i needn't be afraid of those devils on the wall...'
Though, I haven't written anything in quite some time...there are still attempts here and there.
Everything that I was proud of is now lost forever on a dead hard drive.
My blog...it's stale. Maybe I need something different to look at-real parchment perhaps. However, who uses real paper anymore? That's crazy to even think about. Maybe I need something real to write about; something worthy of telling or re-telling. Maybe I need to be inspired-Travel-What if I traveled? What if I traveled around the world and gathered as many tall tales as I could to combine into a reality television series-that would be truth. Ratings would go through the roof, I would be a celebrity and my biggest problems would be no more! Maybe I could go for twelve months without saying a word and then write about my experiences that I witnessed or experienced-like a monk. A code of silence. What if I went to France and sang with a terrific band while playing one of many percussion instruments...oh how grand that would be.

'You came well equipped...'
Maybe I'm fine. Maybe I can't write because my head is not clear. You know, that mugginess of summer.
Though it is summer and that heaviness is making itself disgustingly known throughout the air, there is still a hint of something fresh from spring that hangs about. Taunting me with the hope of a crisp and cool day. A day where everything is wonderful. A day where questions aren't even questions, but a slew of answers, where the pieces fit that you never knew were even out of place. One of those afternoons where, as silly and cliche as it is, you feel as though your life revolves around a song of 'ohhs' combined with voices in harmony. Maybe I have plenty to write about, but because there is so much hanging around in the air there is no way to choose just the ripest red apple to talk about. Maybe I need help to pick it...Oh how grand that would be.

'...but I'll tell you the truth, darling I'm tired, I should be leaving...'
Clapping. I like to clap. It's so...definite. It's loud and precise-and simple. Even in a crowd of applause, each-if you listen closely-has it's own loud and distinct sound. Which, then all together, makes an even louder sound generated by all of the, what seemed to be little and not important, claps of noise. It then, amongst it's crazy flutters of claps, almost makes it's own beat. The individuals have now formed a group. A group sometimes without a very steady beat, but because the claps are so distinct, I feel that in a crowd of claps that people next to each other acknowledge their own claps and those around them...Movement. Everything then begins to move in a lovely swaying motion. A sea of claps. Individual but in an odd way, a beautiful group. Perhaps if I clap loud enough everything will begin to fall into place. Each clap will bring another beautiful apple out of the stale air so that it can be examined and shared...Claps are unifying...and tiring. After a long period of clapping, the coolness and that feeling of importance amongst the group seems to fade away.

There are seasons. There are seasons for a reason and the process of transition happens because it is necessary. I strongly dislike summer-but it has to happen...because if summer did not happen, then there would be no fall. There would be no leaves to crunch, no air to breath deep, no twigs to swirl between two fingers and there would be no canvas of beauty. My days of 'ohhs' sung by a chorus would cease to exist and I would be a lump on a log waiting for mold to inhabit my body.

'And take to the streets...'
You know what though? What's so great about movement, especially movement or crazed clapping that sometimes doesn't make sense, is that it stops. Though the movement is great it is only a step-Through the waves and ripples- through the sea of claps and what seems to be continuous-it all pauses for a moment. What's cool about this pause is that it usually seems to be in a moment where you know that it is significant. A place where you know you shouldn't forget. A pause where the chorus of 'ohhs' is being sung while the claps are keeping time and in this moment you look up to find that the pieces are starting to fit together just nicely. The Trick: It's easier to clap in movement together.

ladies and gentlemen...

...matthew perryman jones.


happy anniversary of the trip to the moon.

a long time comin...

my computer is on it's death bed.
straight up-no funky business.


(the never-ending 'opening/start up page' to my computer. the question mark won't stop blinking. i feel as though the question mark will blink faster and faster until it finally just blows up...at least it's contemplating for a really long time before decide whether to kick the bucket or not).

it's done.
probably forever.

letter of joy. paul.

pets.
we have pets.
fish.
one looks like garfield with flippers and the other, a mini shark with bubble eyes that's much rounder and nicer.

we bought them.
on a whim.
boredom? maybe. did we really want them? maybe.
either way, i don't regret it. i love these fish and their three seconds of memory.

in class today my mind began to wander...ironically enough, while looking out of a smudged window in a beautiful lecture hall with wooden floors inside of a two story ancient building that overlooked a very quaint part of campus...this morning i didn't feel well and maybe that had something to do with my mind going astray, but mainly, i am sick of learning about volcanoes...so, my mind began to wander. fish. i thought about fish. i thought about the fish we bought on the coffee table next to the balcony where a beer bong from our neighbors also had been hung. i thought about why it was there on a monday night/tuesday morning and how they got it onto our balcony. i thought about what they could have been doing on a monday night instead. i wondered if they were that crazy on a monday-what do they do on the weekends? i wondered what i could have done with my weekend...it was so lame that i couldn't even remember what exactly i did at first-i wondered how i should be listening about volcanoes even though i didn't want to. i thought about the countless movies i had rented-dante's peak being one. i thought about the guy in front of me who was on myspace the entire time...i wondered who used their myspace anymore-what is hip? what is cool? what is trendy? websites? bikes? shoes? traveling? throw pillows? i tried to think about what really matters in life. i thought about my day and what my schedule was like. i thought about my class i had to teach later in the evening and how, unless my headache magically went away, i absolutely was not looking forward to it. i didn't think about much else because my thinking took up all of class and soon i found myself out the door continuing on with my day.

during the class, where my headache was still clinging onto my forehead for dear life, i realized how much i still wanted to be somewhere else-somewhere that was not presently before me. chaos was all around me and for the first time when teaching, ever, i felt like i didn't want to do this-i didn't want to be there, i didn't want to teach, i didn't want to lead, i didn't want to share, lend a hand, smile, influence, anything-i didn't want to do anything...


...then,joy.

when i was just about to loose it for the first time ever, this little bundle of joy with blonde curly hair walked up to me out of the back row, grabbed my knees, looked up with a smile and said 'miss erica, i'm glad you're my teacher'.

tears. for the first time ever in a class, i thought i was going to loose my temper and instead, for the first time ever in a class, i cried for joy. a hopeful joy. a joy from that of a teacher-a teacher with a tender heart. a teacher with a forgiving heart. a teacher that held my legs firmly on the ground when the room was spinning and the world seemed upside down-a teacher in the form of a five year old...

...i've been thinking a lot about joy lately-a lot.
what really is joy?
comparing our humanly joy with that of Christ's joy is really interesting. the concept of letting joy happen rather than seeking things to find joy is interesting. watching the rise and fall of our humanly joy is interesting-instances of joy itself is something that is extremely interesting. there is much more on my mind...but for now, just this...






'So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.'
—Philippians 2:1-2

bugzbugsbugsbugsbugsbugz

KSU insect museum.
I want to go.

A Take Away Show

Margot and the Nuclear So & So's - As Tall as cliffs - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Probably two of the best videos I have seen in a long time.
This is almost as great as seeing them live...almost.


Thank You: blogotheque.net

Oh Cucumbers.

Cucumbers.

I have consumed three whole cucumbers in the past 24 hours

...life's crazy huh?

In the past four days I have watched all of seasons 5,6, and most of 7 of Gilmore Girls, put at least 400 miles on my car, charged my phone twice, settled into a new home, explored youtube, rearranged the living room, bought a new throw pillow, realized my slight irrational fear of ceiling fans, sent out requests for grad schools along the east coast, learned about earthquakes-volcanoes-and other sever storms, decided living in a cave is about the only option to avoid any natural disaster, questioned the validity of weathermen, taken three showers, worn my hair curly for three days, played with a boxer I loved and another dog I didn't, started a new book, watched my toast fly through the air, baked a cake, watched my great uncle experience another birthday with his only grandson, had an amazing conversation with an old friend as well as an amazing conversation with a new acquaintance, memorized lines, seriously thought about purchasing a fish, sang in the car-really loud, finished a lesson plan, finished putting clothes away, finished reading for the day, finished my cucumbers, and am now sitting silently in my newly arranged room wondering if I should finish season seven of gilmore girls.

You know, I wish it were possible to have a brain like an elephant. I love elephants.
Within the past four days, I've accomplished and gone about your everyday business...which actually, considering I honestly haven't really done anything in the past four days besides eat an entire garden while watching the best show in the world, is not saying a lot. However, when broken down into hours, minutes, seconds, we do TONS. Yes, I said it-tons. Like an elephant.

In middle school, there was this phase I went through-a lot of us did-where we would try to document every single little thing that we did.

"8:46-asked a question. 8:48-went to the restroom. 8:49-left the classroom. 8:52-arrived at restroom..."

For days we tried this.
Everyday...we failed.
It was impossible! To focus on one task and try to record what it is you were doing...it's crazy. Interesting, but crazy.


However, I still sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I documented everything-even my thoughts.
I wonder how often I think about going to the bathroom? How often I think about Gilmore Girls? How often I crave cucumbers? How often I think about the goodliness of others...How often I give myself to others rather than myself?

There are so many things that we do in a day-in two days-in three days-in four days-So many things that I don't even want to begin to try and document them all, but I wonder...maybe it's just me...but I wonder what our lives would look like if we did document every moment and calculate it out into columns of what exactly our minds and lives focus on during certain period of time.

connecticut

cartwheel after cartwheel on the, playground.
warning after warning, that it's, not ok...

-but i don't care, that it's after dark.
-and i don't care, that you'll just-go away.
-and i don't care, that shoes, must be worn, because
i'm travelin barefoot today.
and yes, time, it strays away.

yahweh

"...Rob Bell’s book, “Velvet Elvis.”

"It was Rob’s suggestion that there was so much more to the Bible than what we can understand without knowledge of historical and cultural events from Jesus’ days on the earth. Our limited knowledge of such things only gives us surface information about the meanings behind the Scriptures..." "...The language of many of the praise songs we sing (many of which come directly from Scripture) is foreign to our culture today. There are phrases and words used in the songs that we only use when we sing praise songs. Words such as hosanna, hallelujah really aren’t used in conversations today. So, what do they mean? How can we sing them and mean them if we don’t understand the meaning behind them?"


"Hallelujah is a remarkable word. In the Bible, it appears only in the book of Psalms; yet this exuberant exclamation of joy and gratitude has survived the passage of centuries, transcending the barriers of language and culture. What exactly does it mean? According to the Talmud, Hallelujah is the most sublime expression of God’s praise, combining together in one word both praise (hallel) and God’s Name (the two-letter Name ‘Ya-H’). Yet Hallelujah does not appear throughout the book of Psalms. It is only used in the last third of the book, starting with chapter 104"

“Let sin be finished from the earth, and evil be no more. My soul will bless God, Hallelujah!” [Ps. 104:35]

"What is special about this particular verse, that it contains the very first usage of the word Hallelujah? The Sages noted that the theme of this verse is the destruction of evil. King David, they explained, only began employing this declaration of God’s praise after he witnessed the downfall of the wicked."

"In what way does Hallelujah relate to the downfall of the wicked?
Why does it contain the short, two-letter Name of God, and not the full Name of God (consisting of four letters), which is more commonly used? We need first to determine the inner meaning of the Name ‘Ya-H’. This Name for God appears in the Torah after Amalek’s unprovoked attack on the Jews, as they left Egypt. God took an oath, as it were, “upon the throne of Ya-H, a war against Amalek throughout the generations” [Ex 17:16]. The Sages explained that as long as evil exists in the world – as long as Amalek has not been destroyed -God’s Name is incomplete, containing only two letters."

"Thus the Name ‘Ya-H’ refers to the state in which the world is not yet perfected. As long as there is room for evil and violence in the world, God’s rule is incomplete. God’s full Name belongs to the era in which the corrupted spirit will be destroyed, evil will dissipate like smoke, and all will acknowledge and praise God with His complete Name."

"The most elevated praise, combining God’s praise with His full Name, belongs to a future time. But the praise of Hallelujah reflects a sublime form of praise suitable for our days."

"If we can raise our sights and understand the purpose of evil, if we can grasp that a world in which evil existed and was subsequently overcome is greater than one in which evil never played a part, then we can honestly combine God’s praise with the Name ‘Ya-H’. This combination indicates that we recognize the value of a world in which corruption is allowed to exist. Hallelujah is an expression of this lofty outlook, acknowledging God’s praise in an incomplete world."

"King David succeeded in reaching this level when he witnessed the fall of the wicked. “Let sin be finished and evil be no more.” He understood the role of the wicked and their downfall, and at that point was able to call out: Hallelujah!"


The verb halal means ‘to shine,'...The particle u, meaning ‘and’ or ‘with’, and jah, which is short for Yahweh, the Name of God...Hallelujah...shine with God!

instruments

i want to put flowers in my guitar.


i want to sing like kylee. beautiful.


my loves:
stars. loquat.

Did you hear...

'Did you hear about the man who printed his tax return out on a roll of toilet paper. When he submitted it to the IRS, his note read, "Don't worry, it's clean".'







Did you hear...
...that toilet Paper was used in China as early as 875 A.D.-twenty years prior to the earliest known Hebrew manuscript of the Old Testament on paper? (The Paper Project: a new light on paper).

Did you hear...
...that before today, toilet paper was originally not in a roll? A wonderful man by the name of Joseph Gayetty invented toilet paper in 1857. This new toilet paper was made out of flat sheets. Before Gayetty's invention, people would tear pages out of mail order catalogs. What's more, before catalogs were popular, leaves were used.

Did you hear...
...that oops!-unfortunately, Gayetty's invention failed. Another man by the name of Walter Alcock (of Great Britain) developed the toilet paper that we use and love today that is on a roll (instead of in flat sheets). However...

Did you hear...
...that, again, the invention failed. Sorry Buddy.


Finally...
...In 1867, two more wonderful men gave it a go. Thomas Edward and Clarence Scott (brothers from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA) were thankfully successful at making toilet paper that consisted of a small roll of 'perforated' paper. After mastering their new 'tp', they sold it from a push cart - this was the beginning of the Scott Paper Company.

Other interesting facts about our beloved tp...
-Unsold books have long been turned to toilet paper-solidified fact.
-In 1973 there was a toilet paper Shortage. 'The TP Shortage of 1973'...Apparently, Johnny Carson jokingly told his NBC Tonight Show audience that there was a massive shortage of toilet paper. People horded, draining supplies. Johnny then said, "just kidding," but the store shelves were out of TP. People thought that he was part of some shortage 'cover-up' scam so they continually horded more.




-Different names and slang terms are used for toilet paper in countries around the world, including "loo roll/paper," "toilet roll," "dunny roll/paper," "bog roll," "AP [for all-purpose] paper," "bathroom/toilet tissue," "jacks roll", "TP" or just "tissue."-


Thank you Edward and Clarence Scott.

Gibson...

...The worlds tallest dog. Standing at 42.6 inches tall and seven feet, one inch on hind legs, Gibson currently holds the title in the Guinness World Record Book as well as the prestigious AKC Ducthman Meistersinger Pedigree award. Though he can talk and say 'I love you' sadly, he has recently, but bravely, lost his front leg to osteosarcoma. Now fully recovered from surgery, he is still able to maintain his ability to hold an entire regulation basketball in his, what some may call, 'bite sized' mouth and doggie dribble. As amazing as Gibson is, what I find most intriguing about this 180 pound 'lap dog', is that this beautiful speckled Harlequin Grate Dane is a Certified Therapy Dog.

"On his hind legs, he is a staggering 7-foot-2. As Gibson did his thing, offering himself to be petted, shaking hands, and emitting a gruff bark that sounded remarkably like "I love you," the kids forgot their grief for a moment and finally laughed once again.-The new pup wasn't especially large...at first. But by 4 months "he had huge paws and so much extra skin people thought he was a shar-pei," Hall recalls. "I took him to the vet to see if something was wrong with him." There wasn't. By 1 year, he was 40 inches high, "noticeably huge," says Hall. It was around that time that she began taking him with her to visit her mother, who was in a nursing home. "People would go crazy over his size, and he was so well behaved that someone asked me if he was a therapy dog. When I said no, they suggested I get him certified as one." (ladies home journal).

home bird.

...our backyard

...his backyard...

...their home...

...my backyard home, for now.


alec logan photography


my brother is talented.
his talents are wonderful...and the gifts that he shares are...words cannot even begin to describe how blessed i feel to be his sister.