only with laughter can we win

So, Rosie Thomas is a new discovery, but to me...it feels as though we've been dear friends since childhood and just...went to camp or something and have now been reunited. A simple absence and one that is easily repaired.

'If you hold her back, she may never know...'

To rekindle things of the heart is a feeling that is almost indescribable. Recently, there have been many things that have been rekindled as well as even growth. It's as if there was once this beautiful rope that was laid before me, untangled, untouched...only to climb. Simple enough. Then through the days, months, years-knots. Knots were almost magically added to this rope that were thought to be used as stepping stones...but over time this beautiful rope became so tangled and weaved together that there was no clear sign of which direction it should be placed to climb... The form of the rope was still there, but there were so many stepping stones, it wasn't clear where they might lead.
'This one!'
'...Maybe this.'
'...No. This one!?'
'Obviously, all past experiences and passions in life point to the circus. Living on the edge for sure...'


I hate to be that person at this point in her life that answers the question 'I don't really know, there are a few options but I haven't decided yet...' When asked 'So what do you want to do when you graduate'. The fact is known and clear in my mind that it is fine to answer with just that, 'I don't really know'. The thing of it is, I feel that...well, I don't really know what I feel. The abundant itching to fill my mind and grow in whatever ways are presented to me is definitely the strongest feeling that has absorbed my life at this point in time...but the problem still remains of, where do I seek it? Is that place here? Is it the precise knowledge that I seek? Do I need to venture to something else to learn? For now...my place is here. As it is told in the children's version of Leo Tolstoy's 'The Three Questions', our time is best spent where we are currently standing and with the people who are currently around us. Though my heart yearns for this place and at the same time, to leave this place...Until then, I will laugh with this silly thing called life instead of cry with that good friend nostalgia all the while, continuing to untangle that knotted rope; with each unbraid, I have come to find, that to understand why it is there and how it has brought me here, I must first step back and be vulnerable to the fact that it's ok to climb a rope that I can't see the ending to.
...Hello, Jack and the Beanstock...he turned out fine.


It is a process.
This, I whole heartidly understand.

'If you hold her back, she may never know...'