letter of joy. paul.

pets.
we have pets.
fish.
one looks like garfield with flippers and the other, a mini shark with bubble eyes that's much rounder and nicer.

we bought them.
on a whim.
boredom? maybe. did we really want them? maybe.
either way, i don't regret it. i love these fish and their three seconds of memory.

in class today my mind began to wander...ironically enough, while looking out of a smudged window in a beautiful lecture hall with wooden floors inside of a two story ancient building that overlooked a very quaint part of campus...this morning i didn't feel well and maybe that had something to do with my mind going astray, but mainly, i am sick of learning about volcanoes...so, my mind began to wander. fish. i thought about fish. i thought about the fish we bought on the coffee table next to the balcony where a beer bong from our neighbors also had been hung. i thought about why it was there on a monday night/tuesday morning and how they got it onto our balcony. i thought about what they could have been doing on a monday night instead. i wondered if they were that crazy on a monday-what do they do on the weekends? i wondered what i could have done with my weekend...it was so lame that i couldn't even remember what exactly i did at first-i wondered how i should be listening about volcanoes even though i didn't want to. i thought about the countless movies i had rented-dante's peak being one. i thought about the guy in front of me who was on myspace the entire time...i wondered who used their myspace anymore-what is hip? what is cool? what is trendy? websites? bikes? shoes? traveling? throw pillows? i tried to think about what really matters in life. i thought about my day and what my schedule was like. i thought about my class i had to teach later in the evening and how, unless my headache magically went away, i absolutely was not looking forward to it. i didn't think about much else because my thinking took up all of class and soon i found myself out the door continuing on with my day.

during the class, where my headache was still clinging onto my forehead for dear life, i realized how much i still wanted to be somewhere else-somewhere that was not presently before me. chaos was all around me and for the first time when teaching, ever, i felt like i didn't want to do this-i didn't want to be there, i didn't want to teach, i didn't want to lead, i didn't want to share, lend a hand, smile, influence, anything-i didn't want to do anything...


...then,joy.

when i was just about to loose it for the first time ever, this little bundle of joy with blonde curly hair walked up to me out of the back row, grabbed my knees, looked up with a smile and said 'miss erica, i'm glad you're my teacher'.

tears. for the first time ever in a class, i thought i was going to loose my temper and instead, for the first time ever in a class, i cried for joy. a hopeful joy. a joy from that of a teacher-a teacher with a tender heart. a teacher with a forgiving heart. a teacher that held my legs firmly on the ground when the room was spinning and the world seemed upside down-a teacher in the form of a five year old...

...i've been thinking a lot about joy lately-a lot.
what really is joy?
comparing our humanly joy with that of Christ's joy is really interesting. the concept of letting joy happen rather than seeking things to find joy is interesting. watching the rise and fall of our humanly joy is interesting-instances of joy itself is something that is extremely interesting. there is much more on my mind...but for now, just this...






'So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.'
—Philippians 2:1-2