chai's aren't cheap.

It's been quite some time since I have had a Wednesday night free to myself. It's been quite some time since I've updated this blog. After not being able to do things for yourself in a period of time, it's interesting the things you fall back into routine with and the things you leave by the wayside.

-yoga class, check.
-radinas music night, iffy, but check.
-midnight mimosa, check (soon to be).
-catching up on cutey fashion blogs, check.
-not saying a word to anyone...super check.

My freshman year, I was obsessed with Brandi Carlile's song 'The Story' . Listening to it then had an entirely different meaning. I don't really know what it was though...just excitement with school I suppose. The old wearing off and the new setting in as a fact. I discovered this song around this time of year when the leaves were just starting to fall and the summer heat was just starting to cool. I started listening to this song when I was trying to figure out my life (because as a freshman, I thought that's what the cool kids did; drink coffee and think about life with music softly singing in the background).

Now, sitting here listening to a cover of this song trying to still figure out my life, it has an entirely different meaning. I don't really know what this meaning is either-except plain ol' nostalgia. I remember trying to dance to this song studying for finals in the study room down the hall in my dorm. I remember the boy who I thought would be the love of my life. I remember the chai latte sitting on my desk. I remember missing home but loving college. I remember looking out of the dorms onto the Strong complex wondering what college was like for my grandparents who met inside of those limestone walls. I wondered what college would be like from here on out. I remember thinking something along the lines of 'this is so cool'.

Oh geez...life is still pretty cliche and corny. Not much as changed (but that's kind of a lie because a lot has changed).
Life is still busy. Life is still changing. Life is still crazy. Life is still abundant. And life is still a place of excitement and bewilderment; constantly searching, constantly waiting. The thing is, the song is still the same. Just a little different because of the artist. I'm sitting here looking back on the last four and a half/five years or so thinking about everything that's happened...because a lot has happened...but the thing is...it's already happened. I spent so much time looking forward to the future that I missed a lot. Thank goodness for memories so that I can look back now and see them. However, now I spend an awful lot of time looking at the past. 1-I don't really have that spark of excitement for the future because life is moving so fast I miss the little things that I care for so much and 2-I am just a nostalgic person... A lot has changed, but that's life. It will change. I feel I'm much less naive about things now...like instead of paying full price for a chai latte, just order the tea and pour your own skim, honey and sugar into it at the counter. A little different, but still the same.

I feel like such an old woman right now. An old crazy soul I suppose. I'm looking forward to this year a little more now that I've had this night to recharge and listen to some covers and go back to the places I once did 'year's' ago. I am a little more excited and a little less focused on the here and there. I am a little more centered and slowly inching towards being present. Maybe I'll see my future in the bottom of this to go cup...? eh?