simplicity

Through struggle we often find relief somewhere towards the end of it all. At least we hope to. This move has opened my eyes to a lot of things. A lot of things. It has also made it difficult for me to discover and enjoy the simplicity of life as I so easily have done before. The transitions I have gone through of one phase of life to the next have started to blur the lines of what I want and need while leaving me feeling as if I jumped off of a running horse expecting to land gracefully. Life doesn't happen that way though. I didn't really think it through that by picking up my entire life and moving across the country...it might just change who I am and what I want out of life. I just thought it would be a fun time of traveling-like an extended spring break. Nope. Go figure.

It's only been three weeks. Yes, at times it's been hard-I'm a homebody, so it's natural. My community isn't within arms reach when I need them (which I have recently). However, I'm also really starting to realize that I'm stronger than I thought. I'm more independent than I ever thought possible. I'm beginning to see the world with not a different set of eyes, but with a new perspective. What that perspective is yet, I don't quite know. I'm waiting on that one. With the flip side of discovering those, I have also been so consumed with settling in and so focused on finding my niche that I have shortly lost a sense of who I am. I've lost sight of the calmness that a day can have and the abundance of goodness and grace that can happen within it. All stemming from one place. So, now that I have written a sappy little 'love life to the fullest' booklet...I'm going to try and live it out as such. I've talked about having a 'foundation' to work from for years. Now it's time to put it into action. So far so good. Just a little of balance at the moment.

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re: the post that never happened
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It's been said that it's hard to move on when you don't know where you from. It is also true that it is hard to move on when you do indeed know where you're from. I leave Kansas in three weeks. Roughly 20 days really. It hasn't truly hit me yet that I am moving. Kansas has been my home and who I am for the last 23 years. So, it's hard to see myself anywhere else...let alone North Carolina. Instead of finishing homework and studying for finals so that I can first graduate then move, I took the morning to drive around to places where I've called home for the last five years. The Pierre house. Elaine street. The little grill. The konza. My studio. Top of the world. Pillsbury. Manhattan hill. Finishing the trip with the long stretch of Manhattan rd leading out to nowhere. Here, I sat by the abondoned limestone house and railroad crossing where I feel at home, at peace, where I feel like no one in the world could see or hear my thoughts...then a truck drove by and asked if I was ok. Talk about feeling silly. After that, I got back in my car and realized I should not waste gas since I'm broke and save the the miles on my car considering it has to last me two trips to the East Coast and back. Life isn't always as hard as we think it might be. It's pretty simple sometimes with a lot of goodness, tears and smiles in there.